Had myself a little breakdown over the weekend about "why do I even study Marxism/history?" Thinking about my organizing efforts, which after years of doing what I can doesn't seem to have amounted to much, although admittedly my view of other peoples perceptions tends toward negative and since I have nd issues with time and memory, I might be underselling it to myself.

Anyway, it prompted me to self-crit and try and locate the cause of these feelings, and I discovered that I feel like I'm not doing enough with my studies and lessons from organizing. This prompted me to take an inventory of all of my miscellaneous notes and writings that I've compiled over the last few years, and there is a lot. Hundreds of notes on my phone, about 40 half-essays in google docs, and half of a comp book full of written notes. This doesn't even touch notes I still have to review off of two computers, an old laptop and my PC, and another full comp book that unfortunately has gone missing.

Again, I have issues with time and memory I really had no idea I had produced so much over the years. I'd love to be able to do something with it all, turn it into articles or a zine, or something, I don't know. But I don't have any experience with this kind of thing. The only thing I've ever had published got rewritten enough that I kind of relinquished it. The rest seems to represent some great waste of effort to my spirit, and I'd like to turn it into something(s), but what? How?

Has anyone faced/encountered something similar? What did you do?