We're like to extend our most sincere apologies for today's downtime, explain the issue, and talk about what we'll be doing going forward.
Late last night or early this morning, an owl entered the server room and, unsurprisingly, pissed on everything. We had to drag them out of a corner where they'd started building a nest out of CAT5 cables. After checking with all our keyholders, we determined that they had not tricked someone into lending them the keys this time, and nobody had left a window open. We have not found their entry point yet, but we suspect we are getting closer (we've found a large pile of shit near one of the vents).
We managed to dry one server off and get the website running again, but unfortunately we only have 1 hair dryer and will need a few more days to dry the rest of the servers and get the site fully operational.
Going forward, our plan is:
- Cover outside AC vents and similar in chicken wire
- assess and reinforce weak points in the building's structure
- tape old CDs to the building to reflect the sun and scare them away
- attack roosting spikes to the server racks
- stop keeping open, uncovered cans of beans at our desks
We are also looking into hiring a falconer as a more active deterrent.
Thank you for your patience in such a difficult time.
So what's the theory here? I'm just swapping between my accounts constantly, keeping a consistent "identity" attached to each one (e.g British, Australian, American), posting all day and night? When would I have time to do my job?
Are you asking me if I'm going to do what you do and waste all my time reading your entire profile, or I'm only riffing on how blatantly shady everyone here acts? Wouldn't that just be indulging your little online persona even more? You can read everything I've said fourteen times, I don't have anything to hide. I'm not the one hiding my posts. It's the latter. You can stop panicking that my litigation will proceed further.
This is too easy why are you giving me material