I have a couple of genuine IRL stressors that are really negatively affecting my mood. As well as time-related & distance related limitations to seeing anyone professionally about my problems & actually going anywhere to meet people. They mostly all revolve around my job, and the physical condition of my body; but IDK, they're probably not as bad as a number of other people's on here.

The real thing here is though, that I always feel fuckin' deeply ashamed of my own person, & who I am. That I'm not capable of what I want to be capable, and that I'm still not really independent by 30 (or I will be 30 in november I guess).

And I'm entirely horrified by the prospect of going to meet anyone new. Any new social encounter is just another opportunity for me to embarrass myself, or make myself & everyone around me feel fucking miserable. It doesn't matter how "outgoing" I try to be, or how much I try to approach people in good faith. Everything always turns to shit, and I can't ever help myself from making it worse.

I figured that this is something that most people on the site know already, but in case anyone wonders I do also have ASD; which, aside from the fact that I have already had a more animated thread about similar feelings to these in c/mentalhealth, is why I'm posting this here.