First, that sucks and I'm sorry your dealing with that.

Start the process of finding a therapist. This can take a while due to money and other reasons, so it's good to start now! Hexbear users are nice and empathetic and often experienced with mental health challenges and trauma, but aren't in a position to help as much as a therapist can.

In the meantime, I can list some stuff to try out.

• Get exercise, at least every other day. In addition to being good for your body, it's good for your brain. You can choose what kind of exercise it is, too. It doesn't have to be strenuous, just enough to get your heart pumping and for at least 10-20 minutes.

• Place extra emphasis on getting good sleep and finding strategies that work for you. A lack of sleep can lead to depression-ish symptoms.

• Go outside for at least 10-20 minutes per day, when the sun is out. The light helps your brain and this can also constitute light exercise if you make it into a little walk.

• Eat high quality food and take a modest multivitamin. I like the Deva vegan multivitamins. Being low on essential vitamins can mess with your mood and overall happiness.

• Like the other poster said, try CBD. It's a relatively low-risk way to relax and stay calm. The only thing to watch out for is that it can make some drugs metabolize slower, which can mean your end up getting higher doses of those drugs over time.

As you can probably tell, most of this is general wellness advice, but it really does tend to help.

For socialization, I think a therapist will really help here and have better advice. I'll still give it a shot, but take it with a big grain of salt.

• Try a low-stakes activity where everyone is generally happy the whole time. Like joining a kickball league team where it's really just a beer league (nobody cares about winning, it's mostly about hanging out afterwards). This is a nice low-stakes way to hang out with people because it's regimented and if you end up not getting along with them, it really doesn't matter because the only thing tying you to them is kickball and drinking beer (or something nonalcoholic if you prefer). There are many activities like this. Basically, stay away from truly competitive sports or gamer junk and you're probably good. Another example is hiking trail maintenance, which is basically just camping + some work on the weekends. Still a physical activity but also pretty low stakes: you're not expected to be friends with anyone, but you can be if you do get along with some folks.

• If you feel that you are stable enough, responsible, and ready for a 10-20 year commitment, a pet might be a nice way to have some very simple and nice companionship. Rabbits and guinea pigs are actually very smart and can be clicker trained to do tricks and can also learn their names (most people just assume they're dumb and don't even try to train them). A dog can also be a nice companion, though they are higher maintenance. You could think of it like some training wheels for positive socialization - it's not the same as talking to a human, but you do get to have positive social experiences and a connection with another animal.

• Finally, finding a way to chill is probably an ideal outcome. There are probably two sides to the anxiety you're describing that could be addressed. The first is the perception that everything goes to shit when you socialize, which I would suspect is catastrophizing. In other words, other people probably don't think that, including when you're socializing with them, but you perceive it due to anxiety and catastrophizing introspection. Finding a way to chill on that will help prevent the anxiety spiral. CBD will help with that, but there are many strategies out there for handling anxiety in the moment and after the fact. The second is that when we have anxiety, sometimes it's okay to just withdraw a little and chill. Say less, do less, take a little breather, while communicating that you're going to do that, of course. This is the exact opposite thing from what the anxiety wants you to do (it wants you to panic and escalate), so this is easier said than done. But any strategies you can find to short-circuit that and give yourself a break, the better. For example, if you feel mindful of this anxiety and notice it happening, a good strategy can be to take a bathroom break (real or not). Give yourself as much time as you need to destress and put the situation in perspective.

Hope some of this can be helpful, comrade. I know this stuff is difficult.

cbd edibles and only having online friends.

maybe some day i'll pay somebody to give me a hug

"Just take a shower bro, install 4 more showerheads in your bathroom."

On a serious note, if you havent read them already, here are a few books that are nice to literaturemaxx with in search of mental catharsis, I dont know of any other based 20th century novels with happy endings.

• Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky <= havent read yet but relatively based

• Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse

• In search of lost time by Proust <= havent read either but apparently its good

• Welcome to the NHK manga edition <= not a book but still based imo

Where to get them: b-ok.org, gen.lib.rus.ec

Several movies and tv shows that may have the same effect:

Taxi Driver

Drive

Drive my car

Fight Club

Cowboy Bebop

Blade Runner 2049

Neon Genesis Evangelion + End of Evangelion (unbelievably based if youre not a right winger)

Where to get them: google "himovies" lmk if inconclusive I can help troubleshoot

Honestly maxxing* (gymmaxxing, literaturemaxxing, cinemaxxing, karaokemaxxing etc.) and various other copes are the only advice I can give in good faith because I dont have an answer that can meet the complexity of the issues we deal with. In fact, you have more experience with life on this right wing hell planet, and your struggle deserves the utmost respect and admiration.

Therefore I must ask, what have you tried so far? Not as a "gotcha" like normie cucks sometimes do but because I would like to learn from your experiences if I may, what would be the most effective copes and why? Furthermore, which subcultures/classifications of people have your previous interactions been with?

*Edit: Just found out that "maxxing" means to "improve an aspect of Sexual Marketplace Value" fml I thought it just meant grinding a hobby for fulfillment and catharsis in replacement of social interaction and/or romance.

Can't add much that hasn't already been said better in this thread.

Second getting a pet. For me it was a cat. He gives me someone to talk to and cares about me unconditionally (sounds cringe but fuck off). Not the same as human interaction, but it helps get through the times when I can't handle or access human interaction, without feeling 100% isolated.

I'd emphasize that this is a process. Socializing and cultivating relationships is a skill, like learning to ride a bike. You'll make mistakes. So will people you're interacting with. Try to learn from the experiences and keep going, rather than obsessing about embarrassing things you've done or shitty things another person has done. Easier said than done.

If you want someone to talk to or do online shit with PM me.