I have a couple of genuine IRL stressors that are really negatively affecting my mood. As well as time-related & distance related limitations to seeing anyone professionally about my problems & actually going anywhere to meet people. They mostly all revolve around my job, and the physical condition of my body; but IDK, they're probably not as bad as a number of other people's on here.
The real thing here is though, that I always feel fuckin' deeply ashamed of my own person, & who I am. That I'm not capable of what I want to be capable, and that I'm still not really independent by 30 (or I will be 30 in november I guess).
And I'm entirely horrified by the prospect of going to meet anyone new. Any new social encounter is just another opportunity for me to embarrass myself, or make myself & everyone around me feel fucking miserable. It doesn't matter how "outgoing" I try to be, or how much I try to approach people in good faith. Everything always turns to shit, and I can't ever help myself from making it worse.
I figured that this is something that most people on the site know already, but in case anyone wonders I do also have ASD; which, aside from the fact that I have already had a more animated thread about similar feelings to these in c/mentalhealth, is why I'm posting this here.
"Just take a shower bro, install 4 more showerheads in your bathroom."
On a serious note, if you havent read them already, here are a few books that are nice to literaturemaxx with in search of mental catharsis, I dont know of any other based 20th century novels with happy endings.
Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky <= havent read yet but relatively based
Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse
In search of lost time by Proust <= havent read either but apparently its good
Welcome to the NHK manga edition <= not a book but still based imo
Where to get them: b-ok.org, gen.lib.rus.ec
Several movies and tv shows that may have the same effect:
Taxi Driver
Drive
Drive my car
Fight Club
Cowboy Bebop
Blade Runner 2049
Neon Genesis Evangelion + End of Evangelion (unbelievably based if youre not a right winger)
Where to get them: google "himovies" lmk if inconclusive I can help troubleshoot
Honestly maxxing* (gymmaxxing, literaturemaxxing, cinemaxxing, karaokemaxxing etc.) and various other copes are the only advice I can give in good faith because I dont have an answer that can meet the complexity of the issues we deal with. In fact, you have more experience with life on this right wing hell planet, and your struggle deserves the utmost respect and admiration.
Therefore I must ask, what have you tried so far? Not as a "gotcha" like normie cucks sometimes do but because I would like to learn from your experiences if I may, what would be the most effective copes and why? Furthermore, which subcultures/classifications of people have your previous interactions been with?
*Edit: Just found out that "maxxing" means to "improve an aspect of Sexual Marketplace Value" fml I thought it just meant grinding a hobby for fulfillment and catharsis in replacement of social interaction and/or romance.