futon penguin 🐀 (@preeya@bigleaf.city)
bigleaf.city
Attached: 1 image RT @iHateCogsci@twitter.com Whenever people are like oh we need to empathize w/ incels, care about their feelings blah blah, I just think about what Lundy Bancroft said about abusers. They need to *learn empathy*, and this excessive focus on *their* feelings is a *barrier* to them learning empathy. 🐦🔗: https://twitter.com/iHateCogsci/status/1610409758120361984

Whenever people are like oh we need to empathize w/ incels, care about their feelings blah blah, I just think about what Lundy Bancroft said about abusers.

They need to learn empathy, and this excessive focus on their feelings is a barrier to them learning empathy.

🐦🔗: https://twitter.com/iHateCogsci/status/1610409758120361984

https://sb-ex6e14yir4.b-cdn.net/media_attachments/files/109/628/430/505/308/353/original/db370a81de5f1eee.png

But this is step 1 of "offering an alternative": recognizing that it takes different skillsets/social conditions to get them well-adjusted, because for whatever reason they're starting from a different psychological basis.

I agree that to some extent the whole idea of focusing on these guys is counterproductive. But focusing on them is not the same as making sure that our movement is equipped to deal with them effectively, without having to relive this generational moment over and over again.

They feel alienated from society because it feels unlivably complex, and they happen to fit enough heuristics of the power group that they feel entitled to deal with that complexity by violently maximizing their adherence to power.

The right takes advantage of this by a) being in power already, b) being the same kind of people, and c) happy to use these guys to further their own interests. So they offer the easy, accessible, lowest-common-denominator solution of just catering to that entitlement.

Of course "Be a good person" doesn't effectively compete. But that doesn't have to be the only narrative the left offers. We need the next step, a narrative that starts with "Be a good person" and builds it into a competitively epic cognitive reward mechanism.

  • Ideology [she/her]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Please post your 12 Rules for Life Below this Line:

    =====================================

    • JuryNullification [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago
      1. Cats outside
      2. Ass smeared with shid
      3. Don’t touch grass, grass is killing the earth
      4. Do not cum :volcel-kamala:
      • HornyOnMain
        ·
        2 years ago
        1. Do not cum :volcel-kamala:

        :angery: :ooooooooooooooh: :NOOOOO:

    • UlyssesT [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago
      1. Apple cider is the Devil's cocktail. :up-yours-woke-moralists:
    • ssjmarx [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      1 touch grass

      2 get a hobby

      3 wear clothes that fit

      4 learn juuuuust enough about astrology/tarot/wicca to have low-stakes conversations about them

      5 learn to love "the game" without needing to "win" to feel accomplished

      6 buy experiences, not things

      • GaveUp [she/her]
        ·
        2 years ago

        4

        bro is completely fucking ran through lmfao

        what is 5? Is "the game" referring to the trash idea of "the game" of picking up girls?

        • ssjmarx [he/him]
          ·
          2 years ago

          I apply 5 to everything. You're not going to learn piano by forcing yourself to practice over and over, feeling miserable until you get good results - but if you learn to like the act of practice, then you'll end up doing it a lot more and thinking about it when you're not doing it and before you know it you'll have a year of playing behind you and you'll be really good.

          You can apply that to talking to people and dating too. PUA types are all about getting their number as high as possible, but that's loser shit - if you instead just like talking to people and flirting and keep it casual and cool, you're far more likely to hook up or get a date or whatever your relationship goals are.

      • bigboopballs [he/him]
        ·
        2 years ago

        4 learn juuuuust enough about astrology/tarot/wicca to have low-stakes conversations about them

        lol. why?

          • bigboopballs [he/him]
            ·
            2 years ago

            well, that still seems oddly specific. I've never even met a new-age/hippie woman.

            guess I'd do it if I met them though

            • ssjmarx [he/him]
              ·
              2 years ago

              Maybe it'd be worth rewriting to a more general version about keeping an open mind about stuff and putting some effort into learning about and taking seriously things other people like even if you don't "get it". I wrote it that way because I was thinking about the thread on the lack of lefty dating advice so I was thinking about things I would specifically say to a teen/young adult cis het man.

    • kissinger
      ·
      1 year ago

      deleted by creator

    • neera_tanden [she/her]
      ·
      2 years ago

      1. Go to college and do unpaid internships in DC.

      2. :vote:

      3. Give money to dems when they email you

      4. Volunteer to knock on doors for moderate candidates

      5. Block toxic bernie bros online

      6. Don’t let your hormones make you susceptible to bros and their leftist misogynist ideas - listen to Gloria Steinem

      7. Pay for your subscriptions, don’t freeload with archive.is

      8. Pay your debt

      9. Tip your landlxrd, the good karma will come back

      10. Listen to NPR and crooked media

      11. Mix liqour and prescription drugs for best results

      12. Don’t under any circumstances join a union

    • aaaaaaadjsf [he/him, comrade/them]
      ·
      2 years ago

      Okay I'll try give a serious one:

      1. Avoid addiction and addictive substances/things
      2. Communicate honestly and openly with those you love, be it friends, family, or your partner.
      3. Don't engage in discrimination or bigotry towards others.
      4. Don't engage in society's objectification and dehumanization of fellow people, as far as possible.
      5. Drink lots of water
      6. Make your bed/clean your room (yes, I know :jordan-eboy-peterson: )
      7. Exercise, focus on improving the weak points of your body (in terms of function, not aesthetics) and keeping the strong parts strong.
      8. Avoid giving your time to those who don't value it appropriately, as far as possible (we have to work after all).
      9. Go outside, get that vitamin D.
      10. Greet others and be polite, don't skip over the "Hello, how are yous" (considered very rude to skip this where I live).
      11. Be optimistic in your heart, but always prepare for worst case scenarios to avoid being burnt.
      12. Appreciate what you have when you have it, you never know when it's going to go.
    • Wheaties [she/her]
      ·
      2 years ago

      1. Your lungs are the bellows to the fire of your body. When you are uncertain, overwhelmed, nervous, breath slowly and deeply.

      2. Communication is fundamental to being a person, but not does not come easy. What people say does not always correspond well to what they mean. Be generous in your interpretations, assume the best, and query politely.

      3. You are not pre-programmed by instinct or DNA or brain wiring. Habits, behaviors, and expectations are learned. You can always learn something new, if you want to.