I don’t think it’s something “objective” - it doesn’t happen with all attractive people or even most of them. And I don’t think others find them as attractive either. But sometimes, some very few times, I see someone either irl or online and I literally can’t stop staring at them. I think about them for hours afterwards. It’s only happened a handful of times but by god it is so freaking weird.
If there is an “objective” rating system, even if it’s subjective to the observer, then these people are not 8 or 9 or 10. They are outside the freaking scale. And I don’t mean they’re 11/10 or something. No, the scale just doesn’t even apply to them.
Like, am I weird? Does this only happen to me? Should I get my brain checked? It this what people mean when they say “type”?
i always thought that being cute, being beautiful and being hot were different traits that could or could not apply at the same time, so i guess this makes a lot of sense. There's always been people i loved to look at, but didn't have any urge to sleep with, for example. And there's always been people who i found irresistably hot, but were i was like "objectively, that person is kinda ugly, but somehow that's part of what turns me on."
And when i go beyond that now that i've successfully pummeled my libido into submission, i think i understand how you can be sensually and romantically attracted to somebody without it being sexual. Or rather, with sexuality being involved in a way that's less in the foreground. I don't think i've turned ace (although in hindsight i've always been demi), i'm fairly certain that if any of the people i think about now would be with me and would want something sexual from me, i'd not only be happy to do that for them, i'd get something decidedly sexual out of that, too. It's just that with my testosterone being so low, there's none of that :awooga: energy behind that, and i don't think i need that energy to have sex anymore. That kind of energy is a male thing to me. I want that kind of desire from men, i want them to be crazy for me to the point i make their tongue roll out, but there's very few men i trust enough to give that to me. Sapphic desire is entirely different from that, i've deep down inside always felt a disconnect between the way i wanted to have sex with women and the way men wanted to have sex with women and i think i'm beginning to slowly learn the full extend of that now.
saaaame. this has gotten me in trouble with some partners in the past.
yeah there's folks who think telling them "you're cute" means "you're not really hot, tho" as if cute was a kind of downgrade, something you tell people out of pity. but it's not. it's entirely possible to be cute and sexy at the same time, these are just two different dimensions of being attractive. there's people i find cute in an entirely platonic way, but if you're an adult human, it's perfectly reasonable that i'm feeling all kinds of attraction to you at the same time. that's a thing.
yeah to me it's just different types of attractiveness. equal but different not like some 1-10 rating system and absolutely someone can be "cute hot" or "sexy cute" etc.
i might be demi or something on the scale of ace because actual "levels of attractiveness" increases exponentially the more i get to know (if I like) someone.
Yeah, that demi thing makes a lot of sense to me as well. Especially finding people hotter the more i get to like them. It's not as if i have to be Disney Princess levels of in love with somebody to sleep with them, i've had one night stands in the past, but there was always some kind of emotional connection. That could just mean finding somebody really cool and tearing up the dancefloor with them, then being so convinced that the two us of were the raddest people at the club that sloppy makeouts and going home together ensued, but even when that's not romantic love, it's an emotional connection, and a powerful one for that one evening. Just a pure mutual attitude of hedonistic "fuck yes, this night belongs to us." But i can't do it with anonymous strangers cruising style. That just never worked for me no matter how horny i was, just as i can't find people i hate attractive in any subjective way. I can still say "objectively, that's a pretty face completely wasted on such an asshole", but subjectively, there's something that makes people i hate physically repulsive to me.