When I posted my first chapter, I got some good feedback and a lot to think about so I wanted to edit it and get some feedback on the second chapter, since it has a different tone. Here is a link to the edited first chapter. Thank you in advance.

edit: Thanks again for the feedback, I promise I won't post again until the story is done

  • CapnCat [any]
    hexagon
    ·
    edit-2
    2 months ago

    suspiciously helpful sidekicks and mysterious room which is closed

    Yep, no spoilers though

    btw, did cat get her stuff from the original ship, timing is very confusing

    Like the one that Cat got to J'kelri on? There wasn't much on it, but I elaborate on it in the next chapter

    Can you elaborate on timing?

    Thank you for your feedback!

    • plinky [he/him]
      ·
      2 months ago

      I meant you specifically mention "i had left my bag on the shuttle", but then they lift off meow-floppy, i wouldnt have thought about it otherwise . Also if i understood correctly, they lift off during sunset, shouldn't the planet be dark? And cat should be very hungry thurston

      • CapnCat [any]
        hexagon
        ·
        2 months ago

        Yeah, Cat's bag is still on the J'kelri space ship. I guess The bag's out of the cat (that was a reach, I'm sorry)

        Yeah, sunset doesn't make sense, I think I'll change that.

        Cat is very hungry, but cat is used to missing meals at the monastery, and the days excitement kind of overrode that feeling.

        Thank you for your feedback.