It sounds extremely corny and melodramatic but he's my oldest friend and I can't bare to see him like this. He can barely walk to the litterbox anymore and he doesn't eat. I spent about an hour just weaping after I made the appointment. The vet is coming to my home to do it there, I don't want to bring him to a strange and stressful environment for his final moments. I am not joking when I say that I love this cat more than almost anyone in my life. I spent so much of my life alone but he was always there and ready to comfort me, and when I was recovering from surgery he was the only thing keeping me company. As he's got older I've reminded myself to cherish every moment we have left but now that we've reached the end of our time together I'm just so damn distraught. My other cat was an outdoor cat (we adopted a stray we were feeding and she hated our indoor cat, don't start this struggle session right now) and I didn't get to be with her when she died, our neighbor found her in his yard. I had imagined that she'd come back and pass away in the shelter we built here where she slept every night, but no. I feel like I really missed something because I wasn't there when she died, and I don't want that with this cat. Idk how I can do anything between now and then, it's all I'm thinking about. Alright I think I'm gonna cry again for a bit and look at pictures of him.
You will never know how much it means to them that you have been someone they can count on during their brief stay in this chaotic and confusing world we all live in.
The same can be said for your decisions to be there for them in their final moments and to have those moments be in their home.
It’s going to hurt a lot, but that’s because you have a heart. You’re stronger for that, even when you feel like a blubbering mess. I’m not saying you’re stronger for the adversity, I’m saying you’re strong enough to care. It takes heart to care that much for these sweet little creatures that are simultaneously real and irreplaceable members of the family and also completely replaceable and not unique.
What I’m saying is that plenty of people would rather isolate or kill that part of themselves that cares so profoundly for the sweet little critters of the world. They mistake that for weakness because it can absolutely feel that way in the moment, but it is the opposite. Some people are unlucky enough to never develop that profound capacity to truly love something other than yourself.
“ At the risk of seeming ridiculous, let me say that the true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love. It is impossible to think of a genuine revolutionary lacking this quality.“ -Che
Don’t run from it, don’t be afraid. You’re doing the right thing, which almost always sucks. Kitty loves you so much and will be very grateful you were there right up to the end. And the end is never really the end. Nothing is ever truly created or destroyed. Every single particle of every whisker and claw will be recycled into something new.
And you’ll always have the memories of the love you shared. And you will come out the other side. Every peak eventually declines and every valley has a bottom. You will feel better again and that’s what kitty would want for you.
And hey hopefully someday you feel up to being another kitties forever home. That’s a question for another day. For now just remember remember that hurting like this is an inseparable part of loving so much. You cannot escape one without surrendering the other.
Lord knows a lot of cats need homes and the biosphere appreciates every one of the little maniacs that we can contain in our homes. Not to say there’s anything wrong with taking care of outdoor kitties too.
You are an awesome person for caring so much. Let yourself grieve and trust that you will come out the other side. Your kitty was very lucky to have found you and hopefully someday maybe another kitty will be too.