They/themming someone exclusively who uses different pronouns is shitty and misgendering, but is it alright to use they/them for literally anyone in addition to the pronouns they use, leaning towards using their specific pronouns?
I'm in two camps. On one hand, I've always used language like this for cis people and I see this reflected in how other people speak and in the media. On the other hand, I know it sucks when someone only uses they/them for you.
So, what are your thoughts hexbear?
Edit: reminder that preferred pronouns when you just mean someone's pronouns is antiquated language
I don't like they/them being used for me. If there's confusion, that's fine, but once I've clarified my pronouns that should be the end of they/them
Do you specify that is or is that something that is just expected? It is reasonable if it is the latter, I'm just trying to figure out the social assumptions I should be making when outside my circle of trans friends that communicate more explicitly about this stuff
My expectation is to use the pronouns I provided. The neopronouns I have are kind of a new thing and I don't think I have any interest in using them outside of queer spaces, so I just provide she/her IRL. I feel like if I wanted they/them I would say so.
I use they/them for people I don't know the preferred pronouns of and once I'm told, I use their preferred pronouns. Recently had someone at work just refer to me as "they" which was really out left field since I've been there long enough for all the regular staff to know better so it definitely felt more like a slight than someone just not assuming.
It's always best to ask for and use someone's preferred pronouns. Reflecting a habit of they/them towards everyone isn't the worst thing, but it can be indistinguishable from someone that is having difficulties understanding that trans people are real, so it's good to shed that habit once you know someone's pronouns.
I have used they/them by default long before non-binary or unintutivie-to-chud pronouns were causing a stir. If I knew someone who publicized theirs then I'd try my best to remember but all my friends happen to have no preference.
The one place I work has people all over the world and I have no idea which gender foreign names lean and when I did look them up it was mostly gender neutral so that's probably reinforced
"they/them"ing people. If I got it wrong though probably none of them would care, all of my Chinese colleagues exclusively use one or the other gendered pronouns in English ("she/her" or "he/him", depending on the individual) when referring to everyone else. My fiance does that too and Mandarin is basically a second language for her, Shanghainese being primary, I've theorized that it's related to the gendered pronouns in Chinese being the same sound just with different tone.There are 3 people, all US Americans, who list pronouns in email signatures but they're either cis or changes their names (eg "Eric (he/him)" or "Karen (she/her)", and this is regulated industry where many countries require all communications include legal names and not nicknames or preferred names).
I work remotely anyway and nowhere I work uses video calling, so outside of a handful of people I happen to like and live near, all my coworkers might as well just be computer-generated voices and not actual humans.
