So I found a therapist I like right out of the gate. I've been with her for two and a half years. I'd say my first actual "oh fuck" breakthrough was a few months ago (apart from getting evaluated and diagnosed for ADHD and all the fun counterparts) and finally I'm more in that "therapy" mindset, not quiet interrupting my thoughts yet, but able to reflect and decontextualize now..... after 2 fucking years I'm seeing progress. It's meaningful progress for sure, and I do feel healthier now. But there's been a lot of times I thought of tapping out or looking elsewhere. But she gets me, and I trust her fully.
Someone shows me kindness or love I feel nothing.
For me, it was because I didn't believe it.
Self love is hard. I think neurodivergence makes it harder, as I have a harder time reflecting (at appropriate times) or interrupting my behavior. It's my current focus in therapy. I recently had upper jaw surgery (expanded my upper jaw nearly 2cm) that fixed my crowded teeth (did it for medical reasons but the teeth is a huge bonus). I can breath better, I can't imagine breathing from anything but my nose now, and there's a huge visual impact too. Also, not being able to chew for two months made me loose some pounds. So I'm getting compliments, and for the first time in my life.... I believe them. I'm not just oh-haha-thanksing my way into a new subject that's not my physical appearance, I'm engaging with the topic and it's boosting my self image. It feels good. The teeth have been a 2 year journey, a lot of pain, a long recovery but it's starting to pay off. I'm excited to reconnect with people and talk about it, and get attention.
Do I love myself? No. But I hate myself less, and can see the path to loving the person I want to be. I think that's been my biggest advantage. I still don't know who I want to be, but I know some of the things they do, or how they eat, or wear, or exercise, or their vibe. And it's been a subtle motivator for me. It takes time
So.... my two cents is sticking with it if you're able. Try and find a more specialized therapist, or try and get evaled by a psych if you think that maybe a barrier. Obviously I do not know your situation, or your access to mental health care. But I'm rooting for ya.
So I found a therapist I like right out of the gate. I've been with her for two and a half years. I'd say my first actual "oh fuck" breakthrough was a few months ago (apart from getting evaluated and diagnosed for ADHD and all the fun counterparts) and finally I'm more in that "therapy" mindset, not quiet interrupting my thoughts yet, but able to reflect and decontextualize now..... after 2 fucking years I'm seeing progress. It's meaningful progress for sure, and I do feel healthier now. But there's been a lot of times I thought of tapping out or looking elsewhere. But she gets me, and I trust her fully.
For me, it was because I didn't believe it.
Self love is hard. I think neurodivergence makes it harder, as I have a harder time reflecting (at appropriate times) or interrupting my behavior. It's my current focus in therapy. I recently had upper jaw surgery (expanded my upper jaw nearly 2cm) that fixed my crowded teeth (did it for medical reasons but the teeth is a huge bonus). I can breath better, I can't imagine breathing from anything but my nose now, and there's a huge visual impact too. Also, not being able to chew for two months made me loose some pounds. So I'm getting compliments, and for the first time in my life.... I believe them. I'm not just oh-haha-thanksing my way into a new subject that's not my physical appearance, I'm engaging with the topic and it's boosting my self image. It feels good. The teeth have been a 2 year journey, a lot of pain, a long recovery but it's starting to pay off. I'm excited to reconnect with people and talk about it, and get attention.
Do I love myself? No. But I hate myself less, and can see the path to loving the person I want to be. I think that's been my biggest advantage. I still don't know who I want to be, but I know some of the things they do, or how they eat, or wear, or exercise, or their vibe. And it's been a subtle motivator for me. It takes time
So.... my two cents is sticking with it if you're able. Try and find a more specialized therapist, or try and get evaled by a psych if you think that maybe a barrier. Obviously I do not know your situation, or your access to mental health care. But I'm rooting for ya.