you just answered your own question before you posed it. hun, dysphoria will eat at you forever. there's literally no rationalizing with it. it's pre-rational, pre-sensory. it disconnects you from yourself so thoroughly that life feels like it's happening to someone else.
try taking small, reversible steps towards transition and see how it makes you feel. like change your pronouns on here and ask people to call you she/her. for me, the thing that removed all doubt was wearing some makeup and catching the light in a way that made me a see a girl in the mirror for the first time. the world actually fell away and I felt so light and happy, in a way that trying to look attractive as a man couldn't touch. and the first time someone called me she had me over the moon for weeks. if you know any trans people irl, try talking to them - chances are they'll leap at the chance to give you a makeover so you can see how you feel. all of this stuff lasts as long as you want it to and you can go back at any time.
also, I completely get not wanting to transition because of how brutal society is to trans people right now. like the day I realized I had to transition was also the same day Trump's admin published their first memo calling for the genocide of trans people. but here's the thing... you only get to live once. you can keep living in a dream world, perpetually walled by force you can't see or break by any means, or you can try to be you. there may very well be consequences - there definitely have been for me, I can't hide that. but there's never been a moment where I wished I could go back to the way things were. I can't even contemplate such a self-annihilatory thought any more.
best way to make that treatment rare is for more people to experiment with pronouns & gender. everyone deserves to be themselves - even you. the only one stopping you from being you is you. we no more own what it is to be a woman than the cis. you deserve to be happy.
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you just answered your own question before you posed it. hun, dysphoria will eat at you forever. there's literally no rationalizing with it. it's pre-rational, pre-sensory. it disconnects you from yourself so thoroughly that life feels like it's happening to someone else.
some reading material:
(the last one is a bit trans femme focused / enby/trans masc-exclusionary but it's still a good read)
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try taking small, reversible steps towards transition and see how it makes you feel. like change your pronouns on here and ask people to call you she/her. for me, the thing that removed all doubt was wearing some makeup and catching the light in a way that made me a see a girl in the mirror for the first time. the world actually fell away and I felt so light and happy, in a way that trying to look attractive as a man couldn't touch. and the first time someone called me she had me over the moon for weeks. if you know any trans people irl, try talking to them - chances are they'll leap at the chance to give you a makeover so you can see how you feel. all of this stuff lasts as long as you want it to and you can go back at any time.
also, I completely get not wanting to transition because of how brutal society is to trans people right now. like the day I realized I had to transition was also the same day Trump's admin published their first memo calling for the genocide of trans people. but here's the thing... you only get to live once. you can keep living in a dream world, perpetually walled by force you can't see or break by any means, or you can try to be you. there may very well be consequences - there definitely have been for me, I can't hide that. but there's never been a moment where I wished I could go back to the way things were. I can't even contemplate such a self-annihilatory thought any more.
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best way to make that treatment rare is for more people to experiment with pronouns & gender. everyone deserves to be themselves - even you. the only one stopping you from being you is you. we no more own what it is to be a woman than the cis. you deserve to be happy.
Oops you already know! 😃