It's like playing a video game designed by a bunch of shit-slinging orangutans who don't give a flying fuck about anything but cars. The whole goddamn country is built around the automobile, and it's a steaming pile of buffalo diarrhea.

First off, the roads. They're like the veins of this pulsating, pus-filled tumor we call the United States. They're everywhere! And they're as congested as the nose of a flu-ridden toddler. You're forced to drive through a maze of traffic, road rage, and asshole drivers. It's like navigating the fuckin' Water Temple in Zelda: Ocarina of Time, but a million times worse!

Then there's the public transportation, or lack thereof. In most areas, it's like trying to find the Power Glove in the NES game "The Legend of Zelda": it's either nonexistent or so ungodly terrible that you'd rather stick your head in a hippo's asshole. And don't get me started on the city planning. It's like the whole country was designed by Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Shit-for-brains. Everything's so spread out that even if you wanted to walk or bike somewhere, you'd have to be a freakin' marathon runner to even consider it.

And the pollution! Oh, the pollution! It's like living in a perpetual cloud of Wario's ass gas. Cars are spewing out fumes like they're trying to suffocate the entire planet. It's like the final boss in a Captain Planet game that doesn't fuckin' exist!

But the worst part? The goddamn dependency on oil! It's like playing Sonic the Hedgehog, but instead of collecting rings, we're sucking the life out of the Earth just to fuel our gas-guzzling monstrosities. The wholesystem is set up to make us reliant on this finite resource, and it's about as sustainable as using a fuckin' Game Genie you own in a speedrun competition.

So there you have it: the US' car-centric society is a colossal clusterfuck of epic proportions. It's like playing an LJN game on a never-ending loop while being force-fed a shit sandwich. It's time for a change, a complete overhaul of this broken, ass-backward system. But until then, we're stuck driving through this godforsaken wasteland like a bunch of miserable bastards. What a shitload of fuck!

(Outro music and AVGN logo)

  • Shoegazer [he/him]
    hexagon
    ·
    2 years ago

    It's no longer fun making a bit. The AI has taken over posters' jobs

    • ssjmarx [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      My theory is that Chat GPT was developed by the Nerd specifically to write his shows for him, which is why it's so good at it.

    • AFineWayToDie [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      Maybe it would be more convincing if we could get an AI to post pictures of Motherfucker Mike's hog.

    • doublepepperoni [none/use name]
      ·
      edit-2
      2 years ago

      It really is shockingly good at emulating almost anything I've thrown at it and also mashing disparate things coherently

  • RNAi [he/him]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Water Temple, my behated, I love you so much