Like, it's probably more noticeable that you don't have any romantic or sexual relationships than it would be if you don't have any true, close, platonic connections. Romantic and sexual relationships have things that are very obvious and for the most part, exclusive to them, such as kissing, making out, sex, etc. Platonic relationships that are true and close are not as visible, they're more feelings on the inside (not to say that there's none of those feelings involved with romantic and sexual relationships). If you look exclusively at the activities done with a platonic friendship, it's not very different from an acquaintanceship, or an activity partner.
I've met people who claim they have friends, but they're just coworkers they talk to a bit, guys they play games with, or guys they see at the sports bar a lot. Not people who actually support each other or any true connection. Now granted, there's nothing wrong with having those acquaintanceships or activity partners, and it can be argued that they're necessary for a fulfilling life, but they're not the same as a true connection or friendship. If you've never had that or hadn't had it in a while, it can be hard to tell what that feels like.
The only way to make these connections is through social skills, which a lot of people lack. They lack social skills, so they don't make connections, platonic or romantic. Since romantic and sexual connections have more exclusive activities, it's more easy to notice them than the lack of true friends. So I'm wondering if all this talk about the lack of romance and sex is really just poor social skills.
In my experience, it's typically poor social skills along with unexamined internalized misogyny.
There's a lot of false expectations around being owed a woman and also that random women should be responsible for helping men work through their personal issues.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't help people if you're a woman or anything, just that men often expect women to do that by default.
I've seen this trip up lots of peers. Even if they weren't openly misogynistic, they considered feeemales to be like aliens with strange mysterious ways that had to be coerced/pressured/tricked into the le sexy sex minigame in the dating sim mentality :brainworms: that those peers harbored.
I got a few out of that by aggressively reminding them that women are people and have needs and desires in common, differences, and individual quirks like all people do. They started dating better.
It's amazing how well not dehumanizing us works and also how few men fucking bother doing that lol
thank you for doing the work to actually talk other dudes through that.
I'm a dyke, so my response when I bother to give advice has always been "google period shits. are you done mystifying us yet? yes? good. now act normal you neurotic fuck."
anyways
:rosa-salute: