Like, it's probably more noticeable that you don't have any romantic or sexual relationships than it would be if you don't have any true, close, platonic connections. Romantic and sexual relationships have things that are very obvious and for the most part, exclusive to them, such as kissing, making out, sex, etc. Platonic relationships that are true and close are not as visible, they're more feelings on the inside (not to say that there's none of those feelings involved with romantic and sexual relationships). If you look exclusively at the activities done with a platonic friendship, it's not very different from an acquaintanceship, or an activity partner.
I've met people who claim they have friends, but they're just coworkers they talk to a bit, guys they play games with, or guys they see at the sports bar a lot. Not people who actually support each other or any true connection. Now granted, there's nothing wrong with having those acquaintanceships or activity partners, and it can be argued that they're necessary for a fulfilling life, but they're not the same as a true connection or friendship. If you've never had that or hadn't had it in a while, it can be hard to tell what that feels like.
The only way to make these connections is through social skills, which a lot of people lack. They lack social skills, so they don't make connections, platonic or romantic. Since romantic and sexual connections have more exclusive activities, it's more easy to notice them than the lack of true friends. So I'm wondering if all this talk about the lack of romance and sex is really just poor social skills.
Yeah I feel. Dating apps seem to match me with women that I'm not terribly attracted to, or have kids or strange beliefs or some other big thing. This is fine for short-term stuff I guess, but I have very little expectation that apps will land me with the type of cool + hot person I've seriously dated before. If short-term relationships were unsatisfying or dangerous for me (like they seem to be for most women) there would be very little point to swiping. I expect this is why a lot of women seem to have made their peace with being single.
I think <50% of matches ignore me, and I go on at least one date with almost any match who responds. I just don't get many matches to begin with unless I max out the swipes every day, which is fucking exhausting. The sausage fest thing is definitely real though. It's such a silly problem conceptually: there's about the same number of men and women, most of them are straight and monogamous, just match up??? Dunno where all the women went but it's self-reinforcing.
Social skills might be broadly accurate idk. Recently I've thought that men are "poorly socialized" or something. We seem to be less likely to build strong social networks than women are (resulting in e.g. widower vs widow death rates) and more likely to send batshit insane tinder messages or do crimes. I think I'm less successful at speed dating events than I am on apps. So maybe it's not an apps problem, I'm just about as bad at being alive as most others of my gender and the apps make it more obvious.
how many speed dating events have you gone on? what are they like?
Maybe three? You go around, talk with everyone for five minutes, write their name down if you're into them and if it's a match the organizer sends you their number. It's fun but I don't write down that many names, few of my names match me, and the one date I went on we just weren't that into each other.