Like, it's probably more noticeable that you don't have any romantic or sexual relationships than it would be if you don't have any true, close, platonic connections. Romantic and sexual relationships have things that are very obvious and for the most part, exclusive to them, such as kissing, making out, sex, etc. Platonic relationships that are true and close are not as visible, they're more feelings on the inside (not to say that there's none of those feelings involved with romantic and sexual relationships). If you look exclusively at the activities done with a platonic friendship, it's not very different from an acquaintanceship, or an activity partner.
I've met people who claim they have friends, but they're just coworkers they talk to a bit, guys they play games with, or guys they see at the sports bar a lot. Not people who actually support each other or any true connection. Now granted, there's nothing wrong with having those acquaintanceships or activity partners, and it can be argued that they're necessary for a fulfilling life, but they're not the same as a true connection or friendship. If you've never had that or hadn't had it in a while, it can be hard to tell what that feels like.
The only way to make these connections is through social skills, which a lot of people lack. They lack social skills, so they don't make connections, platonic or romantic. Since romantic and sexual connections have more exclusive activities, it's more easy to notice them than the lack of true friends. So I'm wondering if all this talk about the lack of romance and sex is really just poor social skills.
I strongly, strongly agree with all this. I feel like I lucked out in this game, despite being an incredibly awkward and homeschooled kid, by ending up part of a strong community of young people of various ages, with a unique internal culture, in my teens and early twenties. There's a kind of connection and trust you can have in that sort of situation that forms deep and lasting bonds. Many of those people are still my closest friends to this day, and we plan regular camping trips and such together. I can reconnect with many of the others from that time period, who I didn't regularly keep in touch with, out of the blue and the love and trust is right back to where it was. There are more introverts than extroverts in this group.
I have no idea what kind of person I would be without that. I'm a little scared of the prospect tbh, but that's the reality that who knows how many people - maybe even the majority? - are living with today.
Oh absolutely. I'll openly admit it wasn't great for my GPA, but the best choice I ever made in college was getting a few old high school friends, putting out a folding table, and starting a college club for our nerdy hobbies.
Just, totally transformative from a psychological perspective. The friends I made back then are with me over twenty years later. And the friends they made have become my friends in turn. In fact, friends-of-friends introduced me to my wife.
Part of me just assumes that I'd have a different circle of people today. But who and what kind of people? Idk. My early twenties were rough, and I have no idea how I'd be living today without the folks I bounded with so long ago.
At the same time, I had friend groups in my prior moves, too. I have to wonder if we'd all just be people we'd known since elementary school... who would we be today?