My child is AMAB but isn't even old enough to talk let alone express an identity based on societal gender norms. That being said almost everyone we meet will refer to them with she/her pronouns until they hear the name which is typically male coded. More often than not they become very apologetic even though I don't really care at all. As I say to them "he doesn't seem to mind either way" with a smile.
This has me thinking, however, about how to handle this situation in a way that, when old enough to understand, shows my child that they get to decide how to be referred to, not other people.
Any thoughts or opinions?
I refer to all children as they/them until they decide their own gender identity and even then it’s good to press cis kids on their gender identity once they do decide that, because sometimes you may crack a few eggs :cat-trans:
Unfortunately while my wife and I are fully on board with this, we're not quite assertive enough to enforce those pronouns on grandparents and other family. That being said if the child wants to use any pronouns themselves I'll cut grandma before i let her misgender my precious one
Hold the fuck on be assertive! Sit down with your wrinkly old ass parents and in-laws and lay down the law and cut those crackers out of your life if they even make a fucking peep about not using gender neutral pronouns for YOUR child. Fuck the “they’re from another generation” shit, if they raised you to be as tolerant as you seem then they may already hold these views, if not, then I guess it’s best if your kid never know they had grandparents.
You're not wrong. I'll initiate a discussion with my partner admit how to proceed.
I can't say personally but I do know gender-neutral child rearing has been a thing for a while, I knew some hippy parents who had a book about it they were applying in the 90s, I know there was a bunch of people in Sweden who were doing this as a community last decade, definitely the theory is out there. Hopefully someone else can be more specific about the literature
I will do some research myself thank you. It's nice to have ammunition like that
I never pushed gender on my kid but I also never really thought about it much either. She gravitated toward female identity very early on. However before ~18mo she looked physically more boyish.
All this to say, in my case it just happened (kids will show you with actions; not words) and I suspect that's how it is with most family units.