Im going to be dead soon. Some day I will cease to exist, simply gone. Just like the 100 billion other humans who died before me, crumbling to dust and leaving as legacy only the most esoteric and indefinable impacts on the future of humanity through my impacts on the humans around me which will be passed on to their decnedents. And I won't even be remembered for my art just my influence, if I'm lucky
like, what the fuck am I supposed to do????
edit: I forgot to set the community and it defaulted to !earth@hexbear.net so I mean whatever I guess fuck you
I don't think this applies in literally ever case here or to everyone so don't take this is me trying to diagnose anybody or anything but I used to get weird almost like panic attacks about this but only late at night falling asleep, or if I was especially alone at the time and just kind of left to my own thoughts for too long and reminded about it.
Never full blown panic attacks of any kind but just that mental loop that resulted in these crazy horrible feelings, that thing that kinda builds up before one if you know what I mean.
Anyway, my point is when I got properly medicated for ADHD this COMPLETELY went away. Like 100%. I've had medication be unavailable a few times since then as well, and without fail if I am un-medicated for few days to a week in a row it starts happening again.
I think at least in my case it was entirely related to that whole time blindness and being unable to accurately conceptualize how different a few days and a few decades really are, and constantly feeling like I hadn't accomplished anything since x date that is "simultaneously years ago and seemingly yesterday" that always kind of plagues the lucid parts of the ADHD struggle.
When medicated not only can I properly chronologically order things with adequate separation in my head and understand year long achievements aren't meant to be done in days, and more time slots exist than "Now" and "Not now", but I also don't struggle between the "Infinity and oblivion" false choice for every memory I have when rationally calming my mind down about this mental loop. I still have things I'm worried about, or concerns about achieving things, or not wanting to die one day, etc. But I can just choose to think about other things, or break down the thing I'm really worried about right now and go start doing something about it, or convince myself to go to sleep and start tomorrow and actually do that.
Like I said I'm not diagnosing anyone because I hate the trap of just recognizing everything only through the lens of your own conditions thing, but if a LOT of this resonates with you, maybe follow up with a doctor if a bunch of other things do too.
:stalin-heart: