As one of the "sex repulsed ace" folks who gets shot at / tokenised / ignored / etc by all sides
Allosexuality deeply normalised and world is scream. Can't use goddamn pleading emotes anymore because the goddamn allosexuals stole the goddamn emote to mean "bottom" and have turned anxious behaviours, nervousness, etc, into sexualised "bottom behaviour" to contrast "top behaviour" (fucking hell my fellow queers have recreated masculine and feminine gender roles down to their association with sexual behaviour! Infuriating!).
Also its fucking creepy that "pickup line" "stutter/blush/etc" "kissing / etc" being taken as "consent" is BACK but now its fine bc its gay? Like god i don't want my anxieties taken as "i just secretly want the hornies??"
Oh and the jokes from other queers about turning everyone gay etcetc and i'm like "fuck you i don't wanna be gay i hate this whole sex and romance thing"
Turning bottom/top into a personality is so frustrating. The fact that people can't see how heteronormative it is is wild. I think a lot of it comes from how many people have discovered their sexuality online instead of in IRL communities. Few people top or bottom 100% of the time. But that doesn't matter much for your situation.
Queer culture is always going to revolve around sex and romance, for better or for worse. What do you want from the queer community? Friendship? This is one of those situations where having more community outside of bars and nightclubs would help a lot. Those places are more sexually charged and less geared towards deep conversation. Hopefully you can find a fun queer community center of some kind to hang out in.
What do you want from the queer community? Friendship? This is one of those situations where having more community outside of bars and nightclubs would help a lot.
I would like solidarity and for other queer people to not make me feel less queer because I'm not into sex or romance. I dont go to nightclubs, so Im afraid that advice is not very relevant.
Queer culture is always going to revolve around sex and romance, for better or for worse.
Indeed, and that makes me sad and depressed. I dont imagine/think/want it to change, but I feel like i should be at least allowed to complqin about how alienating it is
lmao I think you misread it. I was saying that having more queer community that is not bars/nightclubs would be nice. I don't love them either.
You should complain about it, your perspective is important. I've always been the single person in the group, trying to be friends with people who have other obligations. Its frustrating and makes me feel less important as a friend. I wish people valued platonic relationships more. I want to do more than make someone feel less lonely while they look for a partner. I hope you find your own corner of community eventually.
idk if you've read his other posts, but he has literally accused queer people of "shoving [our] sexuality down his throat" and has accused people with a top-bottom dynamic in their relationship of being heteronormative as if he was some fucking terf vomitting out a sex negative manifesto in the 1970s. He can't tell the difference between being sex repulsed and being a literal homophobic kinkshaming fascist.
So after your other comment itt, i'm generous enough to give you the benefit of the doub that you're really just tired off allonormativity, but this post still rubs me the wrong way. I'm gonna keep my original gut level reaction to this deleted, but i still feel that your entire post sounds like kinkshamy, queerphobic bad faith shit hidden behind a wall of word salad. This really creeps me out and reminds me way too much of people making queer spaces irl unsafe for my friends and me.
I'm sorry to have reminded you of people IRL making queer spaces unsafe for you and your friends.
I have no idea where/why the accusation of bad faith (or especially queer and kinkphobia) is coming from, and wish you'd explain more rather than telling me that my (probably too genuine) depressed 2AM rant based on my experiences with other queer people is bad faith stuff meant to hide some real message.
I have never supported removing kink at pride. Largely I dont go to pride events bc 1. Loud and 2. Lots of people and 3. Usually unmasked people. My issues with allosexuality and romance are pmuch the same issues a lotta my gay friends have with cis romance/sexuality (i.e. its omnipresent, shoved in face, held up as super important for maturity, universal, most important relationship etcetc). Kink doesnt make me uncomfortable, as generqlly the people into various kinks arent the hegemonic group in society constantly shouting "be like me or you are worth less as a human being".
As one of the "sex repulsed ace" folks who gets shot at / tokenised / ignored / etc by all sides
Allosexuality deeply normalised and world is scream. Can't use goddamn pleading emotes anymore because the goddamn allosexuals stole the goddamn emote to mean "bottom" and have turned anxious behaviours, nervousness, etc, into sexualised "bottom behaviour" to contrast "top behaviour" (fucking hell my fellow queers have recreated masculine and feminine gender roles down to their association with sexual behaviour! Infuriating!).
Also its fucking creepy that "pickup line" "stutter/blush/etc" "kissing / etc" being taken as "consent" is BACK but now its fine bc its gay?
Like god i don't want my anxieties taken as "i just secretly want the hornies??"
Oh and the jokes from other queers about turning everyone gay etcetc and i'm like "fuck you i don't wanna be gay i hate this whole sex and romance thing"
So yeah notta fun month here ! ! !
Turning bottom/top into a personality is so frustrating. The fact that people can't see how heteronormative it is is wild. I think a lot of it comes from how many people have discovered their sexuality online instead of in IRL communities. Few people top or bottom 100% of the time. But that doesn't matter much for your situation.
Queer culture is always going to revolve around sex and romance, for better or for worse. What do you want from the queer community? Friendship? This is one of those situations where having more community outside of bars and nightclubs would help a lot. Those places are more sexually charged and less geared towards deep conversation. Hopefully you can find a fun queer community center of some kind to hang out in.
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Real
I would like solidarity and for other queer people to not make me feel less queer because I'm not into sex or romance. I dont go to nightclubs, so Im afraid that advice is not very relevant.
Indeed, and that makes me sad and depressed. I dont imagine/think/want it to change, but I feel like i should be at least allowed to complqin about how alienating it is
lmao I think you misread it. I was saying that having more queer community that is not bars/nightclubs would be nice. I don't love them either.
You should complain about it, your perspective is important. I've always been the single person in the group, trying to be friends with people who have other obligations. Its frustrating and makes me feel less important as a friend. I wish people valued platonic relationships more. I want to do more than make someone feel less lonely while they look for a partner. I hope you find your own corner of community eventually.
ah, sorry for misreading comrade
idk if you've read his other posts, but he has literally accused queer people of "shoving [our] sexuality down his throat" and has accused people with a top-bottom dynamic in their relationship of being heteronormative as if he was some fucking terf vomitting out a sex negative manifesto in the 1970s. He can't tell the difference between being sex repulsed and being a literal homophobic kinkshaming fascist.
So after your other comment itt, i'm generous enough to give you the benefit of the doub that you're really just tired off allonormativity, but this post still rubs me the wrong way. I'm gonna keep my original gut level reaction to this deleted, but i still feel that your entire post sounds like kinkshamy, queerphobic bad faith shit hidden behind a wall of word salad. This really creeps me out and reminds me way too much of people making queer spaces irl unsafe for my friends and me.
I'm sorry to have reminded you of people IRL making queer spaces unsafe for you and your friends.
I have no idea where/why the accusation of bad faith (or especially queer and kinkphobia) is coming from, and wish you'd explain more rather than telling me that my (probably too genuine) depressed 2AM rant based on my experiences with other queer people is bad faith stuff meant to hide some real message.
I have never supported removing kink at pride. Largely I dont go to pride events bc 1. Loud and 2. Lots of people and 3. Usually unmasked people. My issues with allosexuality and romance are pmuch the same issues a lotta my gay friends have with cis romance/sexuality (i.e. its omnipresent, shoved in face, held up as super important for maturity, universal, most important relationship etcetc). Kink doesnt make me uncomfortable, as generqlly the people into various kinks arent the hegemonic group in society constantly shouting "be like me or you are worth less as a human being".
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Yes! I'm homosexual and I agree. The "bottom" and "top" stuff is just homophobia. If anyone thinks I'm being 'too woke', dont tell me.
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