What the fuck did you just fucking say about Duke's Mayo, you little shit? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Culinary Academy, and I've been involved in numerous secret cook-offs with Duke's Mayo as my secret weapon, and I have over 300 confirmed blue ribbons.

I am trained in sandwich warfare and I'm the top mayo aficionado in the entire kitchen brigade. You are nothing to me but just another kitchen and I’m the nightmare. I will wipe you the fuck out with flavor the likes of which has never been tasted before in an Anglo nation, mark my fucking words.

You think you can get away with disrespecting Duke's Mayo over the Internet? Think again, tastcel. As we speak, I am contacting my secret network of chefs across the country and your IP is being traced right now, so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your sandwich. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can slather mayo on your meal in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands.

Not only am I extensively trained in mayo combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Duke's Mayo products and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable sandwich off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue, or better yet used it on some dukes.

But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you fucking idiot. I will drip yolky fury all over you and you will drownm in it. You're going to flavor town kiddo.