If so, does that mean people actually remember a persons name & face after only one encounter?!
If not, why do we pretend they will be upset, and try to hide the fact that we forget an unfamiliar name?
Some people do get upset; some people don’t.
The easily upset don’t—or refuse to—understand that 1) some of us have brains that just don’t remember people’s names very well, and that 2) they should get over themselves.
Depends, in my experience.
In High School, I forgot someone's name, and being autistic and all, I just said outright "You, I forgot your name". We knew each other and all, but I have an issue associating people's face to a name. Of course, they were upset, but since they used sarcasm I had a hard time figuring it out (autism) until one of my friends asked me why I said that, and told me it was impolite.
Now I basically explain that I have trouble remembering names, and usually my new friends understand. I guess you just need to say that you usually have trouble with it and you should be fine.
Some do, some don't.
I certainly won't as I tend to forget names a lot. Call me as you wish.
me hearing a person's name once during being introduced
me... minutes later realizing that there is just a blank spot in my memory where there name should be
me... waiting for months hoping that somebody uses their name around me in a context that attaches a name to that person because I'm too much of a coward to ask the person directly
I always lead by stating I suck at remembering names, which usually works. Still I understand why some get upset, because they themselves spend a lot of time and energy cramming names. I too cram names if they're needed in a work function.
One time, decades ago, I was drunk at a house party and kept calling a woman by the wrong name. Eventually her friend got really mad at me. I have no idea why I couldn't remember her real name.
People like when other people care about them and one way to show that is to remember their name. Some people are too self important and think everyone should remember their name. We have a name for that. It's Asshole.
Knowing people's names isn't about hearing it once and remembering. It's about learning people's names and forming relationships. Here are some ways I learn names
When you meet someone and they tell you their name repeat it to them. When you ask them a question, address them by name. Use their name more than you think you should.
...And when you inevitably forget their name, apologize and ask again. Before they even know you forgot. Sometimes (most of the time) they don't remember your name either.
Better still. Apologize, tell them you forgot, and ask them if you can guess. You know what you think it was. Was it close to Jason? Do I look like a Jason to you? Well, actually... (better conversation than what preceded)
Use mnemonics. A girl in my class sat three from the end. Her name was Trinity. Zoe and kYm were next to each other in the back of the room. YZ. Use your penchant for location as a tool rather than excuse.
Deliberately read nametags. At the supermarket checkout. Security guards. Janitors. Doesn't matter. Thank them by name. This is EXACTLY what their tags are for. Use them! This is good practice for when it "actually matters" or an easy way to be decent to other people.
I've taken a habit of quickly saying I don't remember names well in some spaces. It comes up a lot in volunteering and activist spaces, where you might meet a dozen people at the same time and then not again for another month. Everyone has a quick laugh and forgives each other for forgetting their names.
(I feel weird if people refer to me by name, which probably says something about my relationship with myself)
Names are just something I'm not very good at remembering. For that matter, auditory processing in general is a weakness for me. So I'm up front with people, that I am not good with names. Same with difficult to pronounce names, I will ask that they repeat the pronunciation because I want to get it right. I've never had anyone be upset.
I don't normally get upset if people forget my name. But I did get upset once when I met a guy and he forgot me. I was hanging out with a mutual friend and was quickly introduced to this guy at a bar, then the same mutual friend and I were at the same bar when the next time I saw that guy he forgot he met me already but I shook his hand and reintroduced myself, this happened another time at the same bar which annoyed me but I went through the process, then the next time this happened at the same bar I told him we already met several times and refused to shake his hand because I already had shaken it before. He awkwardly laughed it off as I just stared him down, then he eventually left my friend and I to hang out alone.
Our mutual friend thought that was excessive on my part, but that guy sure as fuck remembered me after that.
If he had forgotten my name, that's understandable. Totally forgetting me several times, fuck off.
I pissed a kid off in college the whole time I knew him by calling him the wrong name. I didn't know what his name was, but I did know that wasn't it.
People definitely get upset when you use the wrong name. —I don't
I was a low level IT guy many years ago and had worked for the company for about 4 years. There was a sales guy also named Bob that I would help out a few times a year. It was a small company, around 50 employees, and every year at the company Christmas party sales guy Bob would come up to me and say "I don't think we've met, I'm Bob".
That pissed me off, but it is the only time I can remember where I was upset someone didn't remember my name.
