Hey Chapos, I was watching my 101 billionth tank video on YouTube when I was confronted by a thought - I'm rabidly anti-war (except class war, of course) and yet find myself uncontrollably attracted to the implements of war. Any studies that delve into the rationale behind these impulses?
—Mao Zedong, Selected Works Vol. II, pp. 224-225
Yeah most MLMs I've read advocate familiarisation with firearms but only as a necessary evil. My (again, rather irrational) fear is enjoying the aesthetics of violence in and of itself and ending up like Beria or something.
to me your fear is a good sign that you have a conscience. unless you are having intrusive fantasies about hurting people I think you're probably okay