10 June 2023
I watched nearly every minor automotive repair video that YouTube could offer. I felt confident despite the knowing full well I hadn’t worked on a car in over a decade. MY interview wouldn’t be until the afternoon: even after I sent in some job applications, I still had several hours to burn.
Homelessness can be very boring. You can only apply to jobs that have been posted; eventually you will exhaust your supply of job postings. There are only a limited number of places you can go and not look conspicuous or out of place. You have to conserve power on your phone, because you can’t be certain you’ll be able to charge it again in time. You can spend a lot of time trying to break the monotony.
I was able to take public transportation to my interview. It went well: I managed to sell a used minivan (the paperwork and legalese being handled by the sales manager); I was able to perform the minor fixes I had studied for; and I think I got along well with the rest of the sales team. I missed the opportunity to go to a concert to go to this interview; but on the whole, I think it went well. I’ll still have to wait a couple weeks before I hear a definitive yes or no because they’re interviewing other applicants.
11 June 2023
Today marks my first full week of homelessness. It’s rainy, it’s windy, and it’s just cool enough to be unpleasant. There wasn’t much that could be done today.
“Allen” is slightly older than I am. He hasn’t shared much about himself: I know that he’s a bit of a grifter; aside from that, I am uncertain as to whether or not he’s actually homeless. He’s quite good at not revealing much: he tells truths sarcastically and lies with earnest sincerity. But it is in his need to hide, to be unknowable, that he has erred: his little truths are meant to distract while all of his lies are meant to lead you away from greater truths. Once you’re able to suss out where his lies are pointing away from and when he’s willing to give up a small truth to throw you off the scent, you can usually tell something profound about what makes him up.
Allen and I went to a few hotels for breakfast. He keeps a collection of discarded key cards in case he’s ever asked to provide one at whatever continental breakfast he’s crashing. He claims the key to not getting caught is never going to same place, or any nearby , more than once per month: don’t give them a reason to remember you and they won’t; after many times, you become a mere case of déjà vu. We stuffed ourselves at buffet after buffet; I took away so many pop tarts, granola bars, and individual cereal boxes, I’ll be able to eat for 3 or 4 days.
I’ve been sleeping in very brief but deep bursts. I am, however, still sleep-deprived: I’ve been having some minor auditory hallucinations.
Nothing else of note happened, today. I was thinking about doing a q&a and /or some deep dive essays into areas of concern for the homeless and impoverished populations, on slow days like today.
Congrats on doing well on the interview! Pretty impressive you managed to perform the car fixes with just watching youtube videos as your studying and no practice
I wonder if Chicago Union of the Homeless is still doing anything. I saw them at some protests in 2020-22. If so they could use a writer like you. Come crash at my place if the rain is too much, etc etc you've got my number. Thanks for sharing your diary and glad Nicole has a place to stay. Extra dangerous for young women.
I work in a hospital and we have a few cases that just come and sit in the lobby to charge their phone. Security tends to not let them but I always try to bend the rules so long as no one notices. It's difficult because we have a bunch of long term cases that need long term care but for whatever reason are unable to get it and several of them end up being disruptive. We do keep a list of shelter numbers and social workers. So it is entirely on luck if we can help any given situation but if you pass one by there might be at least info to grab there. I dunno if the places in your area could be of any use though.
Thank you, that is really kind of you.
Please don't beat yourself up about the long term cases. You go to work, you help people everyday, therefore you make the world a little bit better every day.
It sad to write this, but also pathetically true: some people just cannot be helped. Even in a world of infinite resources, there's always going to be that one person who no amount of enticement, no amount of coercion, no amount truth will ever reach them. There's no use in blaming yourself, or even trying to fix blame. Think of all the good things you've done and don't give up.
If anyone were to think this is fiction it'd be because of that paragraph about Allen's lies and truths.
No, he's just a true pathological liar who's turned it into a game.