Great job jabronis - attached picture is what the site looks like on an old phone. All the buttons are broken and do nothing, except for the Modlog which somehow is still accessible. Tried different browsers on the phone, tried clearing all the cookies and cache, still doesn't work.
EDIT: This came off a bit hot and aggro - it just sucks since pre-migration the site worked fine on my dinosaur phone, so I'm pretty frustrated. Makes me appreciate communist web-design (like marxists.org and redsails.org) even more.
So what has been deduced is that any browser on old iPhones is just safari in disguise, and that it appears to be a javascript thing, so there's no point in trying to attempt different browsers and update capability has been terminated by Apple.
Damn. Apple really fucking sucks. Even jailbreaking it won't give you the ability to install anything else?