Don't be around sexist people, EZ

Also, their feelings: pronouns

  • Awoo [she/her]
    ·
    20 days ago

    Two being that women are better communicators than men and that women are more emotionally available than men. I just don't think either is true.

    Women make themselves emotionally unavailable as a defence mechanism to people they think are hitting on them that they're not interested in because showing even the slightest bit of emotional availability to some men creates invites guys that have crippling levels of attachment issues that you see all over the internet talking about how some b*tch led them on and then friend-zoned them.

    With people that are actually trusted and don't give off the vibe that they're also trying to build a relationship that wall comes down.

    Almost every single incel has done this to at least one girl or woman at least once, usually in their teens through early twenties.

    • LaughingLion [any, any]
      ·
      20 days ago

      I understand that. Men and women both make themselves emotionally unavailable as defense mechanisms for both similar and different reasons. Only men are ever accused of being emotionally unavailable as a systemic problem even though men's reasons are just as valid as women's.

      Part of the issue here is that when this is pointed out women get super defensive about it. I've seen this conversation go down before. Men's reasons for not being emotionally available are invalid and women's are valid. If a man can't be emotionally available then that's a problem with men. If a woman can't be emotionally available then that's a problem with men. In reality a lot of men's emotional unavailability is due to their poor experiences with it with women. That includes the exact scenario you present here. Men also experience that with femcel types; it is not uniquely gendered and the rise in that community over the years really underlines that.

      But either way I'm not talking about this in a general sense but more in a relationship sense where emotional availability and communication are so much more important. This is where the conversation about it really comes into full effect. So that's not really applicable here for men or women. The men and women in this situation have moved past that stage.

      Last time I had this conversation I was told that men's hang-ups about emotional availability and being able to be emotionally vulnerable was something men had to work on (which is true). If they had traumas regarding that then take it up with a therapist, it's not women's job to do that emotional labor. I think this is were the problem lies. Emotional vulnerability and availability is a request of the other party to do emotional labor with you. To say women don't want to do it for men is to say that they really don't want men to fully be emotionally available. They want men to be emotional sponges for them. They want men to do emotional labor for them and never the other way around and that is something that many men eventually learn the hard way.

      Sure, they can get therapy and should if they have deep traumas. Absolutely. However, when being dismissed they go to therapy and they let the professional do that emotional labor with them. Then they come home to a partner and they don't need the partner to do that anymore. They were emotionally available and worked through that with the therapist. Now their partner is asking why they never open up to them. Gee, I wonder. Should you have to work through your emotional traumas twice? Once to the necessary work to resolve them and a second time as a performance for a partner who has expressed they'd rather not be bothered to really share in your experiences? All while making themselves emotionally available to that labor for their partners in addition? That's a lot of emotional labor expected of men and so many men out there are doing it.

      I speak from first and second hand experience here.