Title mostly.
I'm doing fine right now, had an argument with my brother but overall I got my path forward ironed out, but I can't shake the feeling that all of what I do is just some pathological need to stumble forward into what I'm supposed to do but rather than actually being a meaningful calling or direction.
Maybe I'm just depressed.
I'm known to be absurdly stubborn and don't do what anyone asks me to. Bonus is I've always followed my own plan for life no matter how many people tell me its stupid or wrong.
My goal? Play as many video games as physically possible, everything else is secondary. Its been my hyperfixation since I was like 6 and I've played hundreds and remember every single one down to being able to identify them from a crop of a wall texture in guessthe.game/
My parents call me sad, my friends/colleagues think I'm a freak, even leftists have shit on me for it and I refuse to do anything different cos other people can honestly go fuck themselves telling me how I'm supposed to live. I WILL play every single game and nobody can stop me.
The job I work is a means to an end to support this although currently I'm actually enjoying it but thats just cos i like being good at something. I guess thats also another drive is to be good at something, don't even particularly care what i just like being good at it
Playing video games is a valid way to live your life and fuck anyone with a rusty old screwdriver without lube who says you shouldn’t or that it’s bad. It not, it’s good, you good, we love you comrade!