I have schizophrenia, a condition that fights itself being treated. I do pretty well on the meds. I'm pretty happy on the meds. But I still want to just abandon them and go all the way into being an addict until death. Part of me just doesn't want to do well. No matter how solid the solid becomes, I feel this deep need for these massive good and bad swings. I don't just need the highs of the psychotic mania, I need the lows too. A part of me wants to eat my hand again.

I've gone about a week without my anti-psychotic. I'm kinda split on whether or not I should take it tonight. I know this may seem like too much, but please convince me to take my meds

  • context [fae/faer, fae/faer]M
    ·
    2 months ago

    well, you do pretty well on the meds, and you're pretty happy on the meds, so you should take them. maybe after you take them you can smoke a cigarette to give yourself litte a addiction until death or something, as a treat, but lay off the booze. you're not happy on the booze.

    but you're pretty happy on the meds, so you should take your meds.

    • LeylaLove [she/her, love/loves]
      ·
      2 months ago

      Yeah, I've been really trying to kick the booze for a while. I go to an AA meeting at least once a week because I'm so tired of being like this. I used to love smoking cigs after I took my meds but I actually quit smoking to do nic pouches, and I think losing my post med cig was probably damaging.

      Alcohol truly makes me miserable though. Mark my words, if I don't stop drinking soon I will be dead by my own hand before 25.

      • context [fae/faer, fae/faer]M
        ·
        2 months ago

        everyone i've ever known who took anti-psychotics was a chain smoker, it seems like there's something to that. i'm not a mental health professional and this is not professional psychiatric or medical advice, but all things considered maybe it's better to stick with smoking a bit longer if it helps you take your meds and not drink.

        • LeylaLove [she/her, love/loves]
          ·
          2 months ago

          Anti-psychotics all have an interesting effect where they dampen all dopamine and seratonin receptors except for your nicotine receptors. Your nicotine receptors are the last thing that make you feel fully as joyous as you were before meds. Nicotine also curbs every side effect of APs, increased appetite and dissociation being the main ones. Once I started anti-psychotics, I straight up told the people closest to me that I was now never going to be able to quit nicotine. I could accept switching forms, I didn't feel like I needed the cig, but I at least needed the nicotine.