Idk if it was a choice for me (just who I am?) but this is my position personally after thinking about my gender. I'm amab but have always been vaguely femme(ish) especially my voice. Was constantly misgendered as a kid and even into adult life, especially on the phone. Never enjoyed "masculine" things growing up, hated sports etc, was always at odds with traditional gender expectations. Was constantly told that the things I enjoyed were "not manly", and that I should be more like the other boys etc. Never once questioned that I was a man, just figured that whatever "being a man" was was absolute BS and didn't apply to me.
Met my SO in college, and then a few years later when they were going through their gender struggles to realize they were NB, interrogated my own gender and realized that we had a lot of similar experiences. But I sort of landed on that I identified as a man still, just that the overwhelming majority of things that "made someone a man" were absolute horse shit made up by and foisted on me by society etc.
So I guess long story short I identify as a cis man but reject whatever bullshit society wants to put on me as "masculine" or whatever. Idk what anyone wants to label that as, but I'm a man and I'll do what I want, and whatever that is I consider manly, because I'm a man and I do it so there.
Wow, this is actually so similar to me except I ended up identifying as NB
So I guess long story short I identify as a cis man but reject whatever bullshit society wants to put on me as "masculine" or whatever. Idk what anyone wants to label that as, but I'm a man and I'll do what I want, and whatever that is I consider manly, because I'm a man and I do it so there.
This was literally my position almost word for word for a long time
It definitely resonated with my partner and apparently was a decent base point for them to consider their gender and come to an entirely different conclusion lol. But it's funny being a cis guy who went through basically the entire process and just decided "nah I'm good"
Oh for sure! I am glad I actually had to confront my thoughts about gender, regardless of the outcome, thanks to my partner. In a better world none of this crap would be forced onto kids and we could just be ourselves without having to first deconstruct everything society says we should be
Oh this really resonates with me as an afab as well. I have broad shoulders and have never managed to be a woman in the way I was expected/supposed to. Too loud, too opionated, too physical, too strong, too into "manly" things. I also was misgendered growing up sometimes, but in my mind I was always trying to be a girl, or just fit in. And then again I wasn't, I hated the gender rules as a kid. This also lead to some complicated body image issues and things like extreme dieting that took me to late adulthood to unpack. And it also lead to leaning into those non-conforming parts of me like liking weight lifting and being proud of my different way of being a woman.
But I am still not sure what I am, but am starting to think I probably could be cis (or not). Then again I would most prefer to just "be me" aka the call me by my name. I have always identified most with just being me, no gender necessarily relevant.
I have also recently suspected neurodiversity plays into this a lot. I definitely relate to the frustration of what bs society wants us to be, I also used to give a lot of pushback to this and got the label of difficult as a result, haha.
I have also recently suspected neurodiversity plays into this a lot. I definitely relate to the frustration of what bs society wants us to be, I also used to give a lot of pushback to this and got the label of difficult as a result, haha.
Honestly now that you say it I think this applies to me as well, because it isn't just gender related social expectations that I tend to eschew. And I definitely had a way harder time learning those expectations growing up before I was able to sort of ignore them. Mostly stuff like what goals and ambitions average people have, and what life path everyone is supposed to follow. And on that count I never really got more than an eyebrow raise in response, and no one ever considered me difficult (as far as I know at least).
I really enjoy knowing that at least a couple people here have had this same sort of experience growing up and figuring out themselves, because IRL I never meet anyone who does. I love this site and my Hexbear comrades
It kind of feels like one of the qualities or a neurodiverse life might be non-conformity and questioning norms / seeing the constructs clear as day. Then again there are people on the spectrum who are very much into rules and norms, but maybe especially for adhd this resonates. I also suspect the being into norms might be masking/self-protection in an oppressive reality. I feel I have had quite a bit of privilege in being able to openly "be difficult" so much.
I used to and would get very annoyed by other bs rules that were just thrown around as well, things like who are and are not ok to play with as a kid. Or what are girls toys and what are boys. Or how people would shun folks from different walks of life just because "that's what you do". I used to typically choose to go againts the grain on such things very much on purpose and in my mind to reveal the unseriousness of them. Norms about sex, religion, the "normal" path in life, none sit well with me and never did. It has a very strong human first and all the normative defitions second basis. This extends to politics and oppression too. I was always puzzled by the way people just take it, whatever is done to them. Like the oppression isn't even noticed and all the things are just some forces of nature that just happen to you when they very much are not. I think all of these are a part of the same in some way.
Right on, I fully agree. As I've grown up too I've been able to look back and kind of reassess the way I grew up and try to recontextualize it now that I have a wider variety of life experiences.
This extends to politics and oppression too. I was always puzzled by the way people just take it, whatever is done to them. Like the oppression isn't even noticed and all the things are just some forces of nature that just happen to you when they very much are not. I think all of these are a part of the same in some way.
This especially, I always was blown away by. I think it really kind of led me to be predetermined to be some kind of leftist. Like I was born and raised to reach these conclusions but I didn't know what words to use to describe them until I discovered that politics left of the democratic party existed lol.
As someone who made a choice to be cis, it’s hard to describe how much I feel this and how I get what he’s saying.
I would love to hear more about that
Just my drunken two cents, not op, etc:
Idk if it was a choice for me (just who I am?) but this is my position personally after thinking about my gender. I'm amab but have always been vaguely femme(ish) especially my voice. Was constantly misgendered as a kid and even into adult life, especially on the phone. Never enjoyed "masculine" things growing up, hated sports etc, was always at odds with traditional gender expectations. Was constantly told that the things I enjoyed were "not manly", and that I should be more like the other boys etc. Never once questioned that I was a man, just figured that whatever "being a man" was was absolute BS and didn't apply to me.
Met my SO in college, and then a few years later when they were going through their gender struggles to realize they were NB, interrogated my own gender and realized that we had a lot of similar experiences. But I sort of landed on that I identified as a man still, just that the overwhelming majority of things that "made someone a man" were absolute horse shit made up by and foisted on me by society etc.
So I guess long story short I identify as a cis man but reject whatever bullshit society wants to put on me as "masculine" or whatever. Idk what anyone wants to label that as, but I'm a man and I'll do what I want, and whatever that is I consider manly, because I'm a man and I do it so there.
Wow, this is actually so similar to me except I ended up identifying as NB
This was literally my position almost word for word for a long time
It definitely resonated with my partner and apparently was a decent base point for them to consider their gender and come to an entirely different conclusion lol. But it's funny being a cis guy who went through basically the entire process and just decided "nah I'm good"
Absolutely, I'm happy just to have set aside a whole bunch of cis baggage I never wanted or asked for
Oh for sure! I am glad I actually had to confront my thoughts about gender, regardless of the outcome, thanks to my partner. In a better world none of this crap would be forced onto kids and we could just be ourselves without having to first deconstruct everything society says we should be
Oh this really resonates with me as an afab as well. I have broad shoulders and have never managed to be a woman in the way I was expected/supposed to. Too loud, too opionated, too physical, too strong, too into "manly" things. I also was misgendered growing up sometimes, but in my mind I was always trying to be a girl, or just fit in. And then again I wasn't, I hated the gender rules as a kid. This also lead to some complicated body image issues and things like extreme dieting that took me to late adulthood to unpack. And it also lead to leaning into those non-conforming parts of me like liking weight lifting and being proud of my different way of being a woman.
But I am still not sure what I am, but am starting to think I probably could be cis (or not). Then again I would most prefer to just "be me" aka the call me by my name. I have always identified most with just being me, no gender necessarily relevant.
I have also recently suspected neurodiversity plays into this a lot. I definitely relate to the frustration of what bs society wants us to be, I also used to give a lot of pushback to this and got the label of difficult as a result, haha.
Honestly now that you say it I think this applies to me as well, because it isn't just gender related social expectations that I tend to eschew. And I definitely had a way harder time learning those expectations growing up before I was able to sort of ignore them. Mostly stuff like what goals and ambitions average people have, and what life path everyone is supposed to follow. And on that count I never really got more than an eyebrow raise in response, and no one ever considered me difficult (as far as I know at least).
I really enjoy knowing that at least a couple people here have had this same sort of experience growing up and figuring out themselves, because IRL I never meet anyone who does. I love this site and my Hexbear comrades
Right? And it's in all the expectations.
It kind of feels like one of the qualities or a neurodiverse life might be non-conformity and questioning norms / seeing the constructs clear as day. Then again there are people on the spectrum who are very much into rules and norms, but maybe especially for adhd this resonates. I also suspect the being into norms might be masking/self-protection in an oppressive reality. I feel I have had quite a bit of privilege in being able to openly "be difficult" so much.
I used to and would get very annoyed by other bs rules that were just thrown around as well, things like who are and are not ok to play with as a kid. Or what are girls toys and what are boys. Or how people would shun folks from different walks of life just because "that's what you do". I used to typically choose to go againts the grain on such things very much on purpose and in my mind to reveal the unseriousness of them. Norms about sex, religion, the "normal" path in life, none sit well with me and never did. It has a very strong human first and all the normative defitions second basis. This extends to politics and oppression too. I was always puzzled by the way people just take it, whatever is done to them. Like the oppression isn't even noticed and all the things are just some forces of nature that just happen to you when they very much are not. I think all of these are a part of the same in some way.
Right on, I fully agree. As I've grown up too I've been able to look back and kind of reassess the way I grew up and try to recontextualize it now that I have a wider variety of life experiences.
This especially, I always was blown away by. I think it really kind of led me to be predetermined to be some kind of leftist. Like I was born and raised to reach these conclusions but I didn't know what words to use to describe them until I discovered that politics left of the democratic party existed lol.