Please don't be a dick, I'm genuinely feeling pretty down.

For context, I'm a massive nerd about like electronics and technology, and some other things (less enthusiastic than I used to be because of burnout and capitalism and surveillance and such, but still), and I'm reasonably well off, as long as I can hold onto this job anyhow, but not 6 figures or anything (USD).

So I see videos like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J38kDEsVZ3A

and I just am so sad. It is so up my alley, it looks so fun, but I just don't feel like I can justify devoting that much of my life to hobbies and events like that just to make me happy (and showing up empty handed and burned out to events like that with no projects to show off or even talk about isn't that fun either). I'm probably too busy with work, and even if I wasn't, how can I justify it when my comrades are starving, freezing, homeless, etc. and fascism is looming, I need to be organizing and learning and preparing, not making fun toy projects and getting drunk in the woods with a bunch of cool, queer, but ultimately pretty white upper class leaning people....

I know communism isn't when No Fun, but I just don't feel like I can square the circle of living life to the fullest, doing the things I know I must, politically and morally, and working for capitalists to survive. Instead I sorta half ass all three and am happy with none. Sometimes I feel like I'm just treading water and getting more and more cynical...

  • JoeByeThen [he/him, they/them]
    ·
    5 kuukautta sitten

    Ahem, 'Learn to hack, learn to quadcopter' can easily be folded into educate, agitate, organize. Just saying. I went to a regional burn (mini burning man without all the rich people, basically a big camping and art event) many years back and had a great time. This looks awesome and you should totally do it and find yourself some hackers to collaborate with. Maybe they'll be leftists already, or maybe you can teach them how their consent has been manufactured. Just watch out for fedposting also, mask.

    • Chronicon [they/them]
      ·
      5 kuukautta sitten

      I just... With what time? I already half-ass my job, and my job already makes it really hard to make time for organizing let alone taking care of myself/

      I probably just need to get adhd/depression meds tbh but that's been a long time coming and I am super resistant about it. It just all seems impossible, but I guess it shouldn't, there's a lot of hours in the day. Why does it all come back to my own poor mental health and useless socializing ability lol

      I can definitely educate tho, on certain topics, and everything else is a WIP

      • JoeByeThen [he/him, they/them]
        ·
        5 kuukautta sitten

        Ah, gotcha, yeah, I feel ya. I guess it depends on how you're half-assing your job. If you're playing angry birds all day, I'd say do cool hacker stuff like watch Conference videos instead. If you're just working in zombie mode that's another story.

        Some self-improvement style advice, which you've no obligation to take. But speaking from experience, I would sit down and figure out who it is you want to be. Like what's the Dream version of who you would want to be in the future. And then do two things, find an emotional reason to become that person, someone that person would want to protect kinda thing, And then figure out a bunch of habits that person would have (they workout, they spend 20 minutes a day meditating, they spend 20 minutes a night reading before bed, they volunteer once a week, they do one picoctf a day, etc) Then babystep adding versions of those habits to your life, one new habit after two months of consistency. Think of it like a game and you're building up skill levels. Your future you does 20 minutes of meditation every morning? Start with 5 and then level it up later. That sort of thing. Don't be afraid to make yourself wall charts or whatever technique you want to use to track your progress. Reward yourself when you reach major milestones. This is your only life, taking back how you feel about is revolutionary.