Firstly, let me know if I should move this topic to a more appropriate community.
I started my transition over a half decade ago. This was going to be the year where I was going to finally put myself out there and start dating. I used to be attracted to women, at least I thought I was. Recently I slept with a trans-woman. She was cute and really attractive and the whole experience was...well it was alright. That was it.
Compared that to a cuddle session I had with a guy. I never felt more turned on in my life and we didn't even go anywhere or do anything beyond cuddle for three hours.
I want to try dating men, but I am terrified of them. I was raised to be terrified of them, and it didn't help that my mom exposed me to a bunch of true crime crap and I ate all that stuff up.
All I read about was the horrible things that sick men would do to people. What also didn't help was my fucked up pseudo-catholic upbringing that taught me that men were monsters that couldn't control themselves. I was taught that gay men were dirty, disease ridden, and clownish. Even though I know this isn't true, these awful preconceptions have stuck around. It's hurt my self esteem as well, and I still struggle as identifying as gay because I don't want to be grouped in with -those people-. I realize that this is toxic behavior and it's making me miserable.
Now that we live in these times, I'm extra scared to put myself out there. I'm also about to hit the bad side of my thirties and I can't wait any longer to be myself. What can I do to rid myself of these awful misconceptions about men, where can I meet like-minded men, and what can I do to mitigate risk?
so first it is fine i am terrified of people like in general just huge trust issues due to my family not being great when i was growing up and while this is no really a comparable experience i feel like i might be able at least to talk about the fear, like it is complicated, because i can't just give you a blanche carte and just say MEN ARE NOT BAD as some us are, like people can be badand i feel like in the end that is the thing that we have to deal with every day, like maybe some crazy will shoot me or something today is a thing i think a lot when i leave my house, but i have also met some real cool dudes too, like my way of dealing with it is just trying to be sincere and getting to know people before trying to go out with them like i remember using tinder for like 2 years just to make myself talk to them and engage and see if they don't mind me being a bit weird and terrified, like i would suggest baby steps like talk and engage like online and then eventually you might just be a bit less scarred of men as i have become a bit less scarred of people, hope this helps and i hope you get to feel less terrified, anyway just be safe don't start going on dates with people you don't know at all, that is generally a bad idea and i think you will be fine, my dude.