I've been unemployed for almost 6 months now. I wasn't even paid enough while I was working, but now, I've depleted all my savings, my credit card balance is going up, I'm not even sure how much longer I can keep collecting unemployment, I still have absolutely zero job prospects, I'm having a hard time affording anything that gives me genuine enjoyment.
Beyond money, I don't have a good social life. I really only have acquaintances who would all rather be with other people. Me thinking about finding love feels like me thinking about being a billionaire, basically just a fantasy so far from the conditions of my life, it's absurd.
If I finally get a job, what then? I still have to scrounge to financially recover? I'm still alone? What do I even have to live for?
I face similar struggles. While I’m currently employed part time, I don’t know what my prospects are once I’m done with school, but beyond that I don’t have much to live for either. I don’t care about life being inherently meaningless, but I haven’t been able to find anything that makes me care. People my age already have multiple years planned out ahead; some are at much more advanced positions than I am; others are talented enough to just shrug and succeed no matter where they end up. People say to not compare yourself to others, but when I have nothing under my belt beyond “I have a job and degree therefore I can eat and sleep on a bed,” I can’t help but feel pathetic and alone.
My hobbies are solitary and I don’t care about them enough to be passionate or even engage in them regularly. I have people I call friends but rarely do they call me or text me invite me anywhere, and even when they do, I simply have nothing to say. No one to love or just mindlessly fuck. I’m in contact with my family but I don’t have anything to say to them either beyond small talk. I’ve participated in orgs, and while in private my anger and hatred for the injustices around me is fermenting, in real life I just feel like all that energy is depleted and siphoned away as I experience first hand repeatedly protesting with no progress made.
I simply exist, but at the same time it feels like I’m not even here.