I've been unemployed for almost 6 months now. I wasn't even paid enough while I was working, but now, I've depleted all my savings, my credit card balance is going up, I'm not even sure how much longer I can keep collecting unemployment, I still have absolutely zero job prospects, I'm having a hard time affording anything that gives me genuine enjoyment.
Beyond money, I don't have a good social life. I really only have acquaintances who would all rather be with other people. Me thinking about finding love feels like me thinking about being a billionaire, basically just a fantasy so far from the conditions of my life, it's absurd.
If I finally get a job, what then? I still have to scrounge to financially recover? I'm still alone? What do I even have to live for?
Having had a friend recently commit suicide I realized my ability to actually influence people and affect change is limited. There was literally nothing anyone could do, he wanted to die and he killed himself. I think about Bucky, he wanted to die, but he decided he help people instead. This is the only point of my comment. I can't save anyone, I can't fix this, all I can do is point out that there is another way.
I totally feel it, I too have had a friend commit suicide and it made me confront a lot of things. It's cool you're sharing these stories and how they inspire you - just saying I find my own interpretation a bit different, that's all.