As in, absolutely no "close" friend, because turns out one was an absolute cunt, the other one simply didn't seem to care at all. No family either because I've met with a man contaminated with coronavirus, and had to isolate myself to protect my parents. Nor any significant other because of various factors that I won't get into.
So that's it. 2020 is the first year where I literally have no one left to talk/confess to. As a gift, I am offered a fucking coronavirus test, and that'll probably be it. I can't even cry anymore, because I feel so numb. I wonder if anyone has truly delved so deep into misanthropy as I did., becaues as it turns out, finding decent people to talk to is an actual nightmare, and I just can't be arsed anymore to go back to Tinder/Okcupid, or to hang out with my classmates. So loneliness for the foreseeable future it is.
That's it, I posted this here because there's no mental health sub, god fucking knows why. Have a good night, because I sure as hell won't.
Ok I'm legit amazed at the amount of answers, thank you all, you beautiful liberals. I'll try to answer to all of you.
Happy Birthday!
I'm sorry its came round at such a shitty time.
Getting Coronavirus around the same time as your friends turning out to be not so good friends sound like an utter shitshow
It sounds to me like you're seriously depressed. I've been there and I know how hard it is to do anything especially anything new when you're that depressed and I remember despising myself at the same time for just not doing the things I felt I should do and at the same time cutting off more and more human connections and things that made me happy just to retreat more easily into comfortable numbness. I'm proud of you and impressed that you've managed to break through whatever your own version of that shit is and reach out here.
If you wanna chat pm me here, otherwise, as an internet stranger who shitposts on the same forum as you, I can't offer you much, other than to say that my life got better and yours probably will too. There are good times and there are bad times, neither last forever. You're in a bad time right now. Sooner or later it will end and more good times will come.
There've been times in my life I've spent consecutive days and nights lying in a filthy bed bed not sleeping, not eating feeling numb, that life was meaningless, that I was ruining the lives of the people I cared about and despising myself for not doing more to fix things and since then I've had mornings where I woke up early to watch the dawn, felt the first rays of morning sunlight shine down on my face, breathed in the sweet, fresh, spring air, heard the singing of the birds and reflected that life wasn't so bad as all that. Then I went back inside to make breakfast for people who love me and who I love in return. The dark days were bad but bright mornings followed. And those mornings were all the brighter for the dark days and nights that came before them.
It sounds like you're trapped in a dark place right now. I don't know if this is your first time and I don't know if it will be your last but I do know that sooner or later you'll find your way out, and when you do you'll have a map to guide you if you ever fall in again. As someone who's weaved their way in and out of dark plk plaves through most of my life, my advice to you is this: when you're in the dark places, alone and at night trapped in a well of numbness, despair or self hatred treasure your bright mornings, remember them, hold out for the next one, and know that it will only be brighter for the darkness you're currently enduring.
That's a comment I'm fucking saving, no way around it. And no, I'm still waiting for the results of the tests, I might not contaminated (or so I hope). Thank you for sharing this nonetheless.