Smurf-ass motherfuckers. You’re not even real cops but you still wear that dumbass badge. Guess this is where all the academy dropouts ended up at. I see you taking your own backpacks straight past the checkpoints you fucking hypocrites. You couldn’t catch a bomb if it landed right on top of you you fucking fucks AAAAAAAAA!!!!! 
My butter knife could be used to take control of the plane? Holy fuck are you fucking listening to yourself? That’s literally my fucking job! Fuck you! And they give fucking butter knives to the business class passengers on the fucking plane, holy fucking shit!!! 
Don’t tell me I’ve been fucking randomed, I can see the green cleared icon reflected in your glasses you lying sack of shit, fuck you! 
It’s just security theater for the passengers.
I have a Known Crew Member card so I should theoretically be able to stroll right through security with no inspection or x-ray or anything and no questions asked. Even the air marshals have to put their bags through the scanner to blend in. Of course 7/10 times I get “randomed” (i.e., sent to the back of the TSA Pre line. I can also cut in front of the regular TSA line if I want the TSA ass-grabbing special). This is supposed to be done by a computer but they’ll random you even if you’re cleared because they hate not having power over somebody. Out of uniform the “randoms” go up to about a 10/10 rate. For what are obviously entirely optics reasons.
Sometimes the regular checkpoint is a 10 minute walk from the KCM access point. Of course, if I head to the regular line right away, they tell me I have to use the crewmember lane first to be sent back.
I’m also exempt from the liquid restrictions, as is any member of the crew. If I take a week long course I can also bring a loaded gun onto the plane and be forever exempt from randoms. But that would also technically make me a cop so I’m not doing it.
Less likely to get a cavity search in uniform than out, because they want to look like they’re being thorough with the passengers and know they have zero recourse.
So yeah, I don’t know how common knowledge this is, but there’s a subset of people who are exempt from security and I can tell you that a lot of them are chuds and are not well.
out of curiosity, whats the best way to avoid scanners / dick fondling? its kinda a nightmare for trans people to just be digitally exposed or grabbed there
I’ll start with American security first.
In terms of American security, really the only way to be completely exempt from fondling (and any screening at all) is to be a uniformed crew member that has passed a gun training course - you will never be subjected to any screening ever, guaranteed. If you haven’t taken this course you will be subject to the “random” screenings, but you get to use the TSA Pre line which avoids the body scanner thing and you just have to go through the metal detector. You might be patted down but chances are relatively low while in uniform.
As a passenger you can pay about $70 a year to join TSA Pre and go through the same line with just the metal detector and baggage x-ray. However, being a passenger, your chances of a pat-down go up, especially if you’re a minority. But relatively speaking, it is still less likely than if you went through the regular line.
Internationally:
In my experience, uniformed crew members are still far less likely to get a pat-down than regular passengers. However if you ask not to use the body scanner and they allow your request, they will basically always do a pat-down (both crews and passengers). EU claims that the scanner imagines are anonymized and reviewed by someone who can’t see you - I’m not sure I believe this though.
In all cases though, I would suggest playing on the stereotypes the security people learn at their bullshit training. If they identify you as a “deviant” (from what I’m told, a word actually used in TSA training, at least in the past) or think you look too poor, or think you answered their questions with the wrong tone, you’ll get the pat-down. To get the best chance at bypassing this you basically have to have a mainstream hairstyle, dress like a bougie businessperson, and answer questions in a semi-detached disinterested tone. And act like you own the airport - i.e., come off as stereotypically self-assured - because they’re also looking for “nervous body language” (a complete pseudoscience). But again, in my experience, in Europe this would only save you from the scanner + pat-down combo, and not both. At least, I haven’t heard of anyone being able to bypass the whole thing.
God only knows what’s going through the minds of the bigots that staff airport security. It’s absurd that you have to basically do improv to get through almost unscathed.
is avoiding just the 3d scanner feasible? i can think of a few ways to grab the spot pretty hard and it not feel abnormal at least
how hard do they pat in the groin area? do they like cup it lmao
honestly thanks so much for the info on this though, ive been putting off visiting family in europe cause of this, it makes me so nervous. havent been on a plane in a long while now and i appreciate the extreme detailed walkthrough
AFAIK in the EU they are required to let you opt out of the body scanner for a “hand search” instead. Unfortunately it’s not really possible to predict what it will be like or how hard they will be because, in accordance with security theater, it’s basically performance art so it depends on the mood of the person doing it and what they had for lunch. And since basically anybody can become an airport security “””officer”””, well, you get the idea.
But I can say that they will probably be more rough if they feel like you’re too uppity or aren’t “respecting” them enough - i.e., react to their screaming and insults with anything other than “thank you”.
oh i'll be coming from america, more worried about there honestly.
This is a big part of why I don't fly anymore if I can avoid it. Every time I've flown since transitioning, I've been patted down, either because of my bra (where they usually have me lift my arms and pat my sides) or my genitals (where they pat my inner leg). Which one seems to be entirely based on how they gender me.
I also often got the awkward "would you like a man or a woman to pat you down?" Which is super cool cause like, you're asking me if I want a dude grabbing my thigh, or I wanna ask a female agent to do it and hope she's not gonna be weird about touching trans people. It's cool - not like there's a whole transphobic narrative around trans women imposing themselves on uncomfortable cis women~
Fuck planes. Train gang.
Too bad I can't take a train to Czechia