Not for a lack of trying, I assure you. It's just that no matter how hard I try, my mind won't accept it.
The thought of life and existence being ultimately meaningless (Something else my mind fights against, despite knowing it's true) is too much of a blow to my psyche to overcome and look at light-heartedly.
I'm just so desperate to have a purpose and meaning in my life, but at the same time I can't sincerely believe in any religion or afterlife. I try to "live in the moment" and "be happy and make others happy", but it just isn't enough. I need something more.
Edit: Thank you everyone for their responses so far, I do read them all. They give me something to ponder and think about, maybe even leading to a solution.
happiness is a pretty good goal imo. like not in a "hedonism is the purpose of life and we should shove people into a box and inject drugs in them" kind of way. just that it's a reasonable goal to want yourself and others to be happy and i think most people pursue that even when they tell themselves they don't. doesn't mean it's like, the only reasonable goal. or something people should feel shoehorned into arbitrarily