Today I was with a group of colleagues. We’re all teachers. We’d just got done with a meeting and were gathering up our things before lunch. I asked the group if anyone had a certain resource. “Hey, does anyone have a copy of such and such standard I could print?” No answers. Not that everyone was quiet. They just kept talking amongst themselves. It’s not like I was trying to but into their conversations either. I was participating, at least somewhat. So I asked again when I felt like there was a natural lull. Still nothing. I looked directly at some of them too. Just blank stares.
This doesn’t happens to me a lot, but often enough that I fear it. And when it does happen it causes me a lot of anxiety. I don’t know what it is. I feel like a child, like when my older brother would purposely ignore me when we were kids.
I’m pretty attentive to other people when they talk to me. When I’m in big groups I try to make sure everyone is heard. I never want anyone to feel left out or unheard. Am I missing some social understanding that seems obvious to everyone else? Should I speak louder? Say different words? Most of the time I just shrink and walk away from whatever I wanted to say. I feel like people hear me but don’t want to respond.
I don’t know. It just stings. Maybe it’s just an insecurity I’ve harbored since I was little. I feel silly for posting this, but I’ve never really asked if this happens to anyone else.
If it were just once I would say that's not uncommon, but you waiting politely for a natural lull, making deliberate eye contact and being ignored again makes me think something else is up.
Like something up with them or me?
Something up with them, that they would deliberately ignore you. It sounds like it could be part of bullying/hazing. Have you recently joined this workplace? Do they only behave like this when a certain colleague is in the room? Do they ignore you when you're with them individually?
(I think for it to be bullying, some work places require the action to be repeated, so please take the event in context and see if it's part of regular behaviour that your coworkers take towards you.)
Speaking for myself, if I were ignored once I wouldn't make anything of it. Sometimes people don't hear me, or are focussed on something else, or I didn't speak loudly enough. If I repeat the question and am ignored, in a workplace I would expect them to either reply or tell me why my question was inappropriate or poorly timed. e.g. "Hey sorry PAC, we'd rather discuss the matter at hand first, I can get to your question after the meeting is over". In a workplace I think you are right to expect a baseline of respect and communication to help you do your job, people don't have to like you but they should at least meet this mimimum, and this was not granted in the example you gave.
Yeah I don’t think it’s bullying or hazing or something like that. I’ve known these people for years, and while we don’t work closely together (we meet maybe four times a year) they’ve always been nice to me. Never shown animosity toward me.
I think when I asked my question the people who I’m most close to had either left already or were engaged in side conversations. The others either didn’t hear me both times or were just jerks in the moment.
One person from a different department actually did over hear me and offered to help. Which was nice.
Okay :) thanks for the extra context, puts me at ease that this wasn't malicious and your explanations/interpretations make sense. I guess it's just one of those things.