Today I was with a group of colleagues. We’re all teachers. We’d just got done with a meeting and were gathering up our things before lunch. I asked the group if anyone had a certain resource. “Hey, does anyone have a copy of such and such standard I could print?” No answers. Not that everyone was quiet. They just kept talking amongst themselves. It’s not like I was trying to but into their conversations either. I was participating, at least somewhat. So I asked again when I felt like there was a natural lull. Still nothing. I looked directly at some of them too. Just blank stares.

This doesn’t happens to me a lot, but often enough that I fear it. And when it does happen it causes me a lot of anxiety. I don’t know what it is. I feel like a child, like when my older brother would purposely ignore me when we were kids.

I’m pretty attentive to other people when they talk to me. When I’m in big groups I try to make sure everyone is heard. I never want anyone to feel left out or unheard. Am I missing some social understanding that seems obvious to everyone else? Should I speak louder? Say different words? Most of the time I just shrink and walk away from whatever I wanted to say. I feel like people hear me but don’t want to respond.

I don’t know. It just stings. Maybe it’s just an insecurity I’ve harbored since I was little. I feel silly for posting this, but I’ve never really asked if this happens to anyone else.

  • WhatDoYouMeanPodcast [comrade/them]
    ·
    3 months ago

    I think it's entirely plausible that they weren't being obtuse. It's hard to interrupt a conversation with words. Also, especially in a work environment, the lull in the conversation might be coupled with people taking a breath, dissociating, and thinking about some task looming over them.

    You know how it's not just what you say, it's how you say it? Body language and the like? If people are having a conversation that I need to break into to ask something, I'd make sure that it's something that's jovial or at least less pressing than my problem and physically be seen and touch their shoulder to get their attention. I'd straight up think of interruption as a melee skill as opposed to a magic spell like speaking over them. If not physical touch, I'd take my elbow at least 5cm away from my ribs and wave my hand.

    I think it's a quirk of feeling ignored that makes you so receptive to others who want to be heard. It's like how broken people smile the hardest.