Like ok. When I was a lib, I had a lot of communist values already. I was already socdem leaning (though an Obama supporter because I foolishly believed he stood for those values). The vast majority of times I moved left involved some sort of confrontation with a person to my left on an issue. Sometimes there was resistance on my part, but that usually involved just like, a single argument, me realizing they were right, and moving left on the issue. Other times it was just... receiving information I didnt previously know. The closer to ML I got, the harder the struggles were, as some of the current geopolticial issues and also historical issues involved in that were the hardest to deprogram and the most hard coded. But I still got there.
Even simply openly calling myself as a communist was as simple as seeing someone else on Tumblr openly do so and realizing "oh wait thats an option?"
Oddly, "lesser evilism is not actually the correct way to approach electorally" was kind of my final gate? Despite being a poster here I sort of secretly still was a lesser evilist up until the recent stuff with Gaza. So it wasnt a straight line admittedly, but what it did do was give me a certain line of thinking about what the mindset of people who vote Democrat were.
In the midst of autistic myopia, I sort of for a long time believed that most libs were "communists in waiting" too. I sort of assumed you just had to spread the word, and they'd get there. Maybe they'd struggle on some of the same points I did, like not automatically believing a protest movement is good because its a protest movement, or that "America bad" isnt actually a bad way of thinking and critically supporting anti-American forces in the world is in fact the correct thing to do, and of course as I mentioned lesser evilism. But for the most part, you just had to give them permission to be communist. You just had to normalize it.
So seeing liberals like, be presented with the option to move left and slamming the door closed violently. Even on the most basic and obvious things. It was disheartening. I really thought it would be easier than that!
Theres this recent awful trend on TikTok (one Ive mostly only just heard of, because I'm not on that platform) of people "turning in their leftist card" over real leftists not flocking to support Harris and being principled about opposing genocide. One particular one, the only one I've seen with my own eyes, was a guy saying he "just found out he's not a leftist, he's a liberal, and [he's] turning in [his] leftist card". Like, whats happening there is a liberal is learning for the first time that he's a liberal. But like, my experience with that realization was to go "oh, so THATS what leftism is? OK. let me travel there" (yaknow, like I said, on average lol, it wasnt always that easy). So seeing the door slam for me is kinda weird? Still to this day despite being somewhat used to it now?
I don’t know if it’s an autism thing because I’m basically neurotypical but I felt this way too. My experience was pretty much a mirror of what you and OP said. In fact, I think I’m going through the despair part at the moment.
I’m trying to radicalize my partner, and they do the “human nature” thing, and I think arguing against it is helping me flesh out my own thinking on it. I’m still on my journey into leftism, but I’m on solid ground knowing it’s the morally correct path.
Thank you both for sharing. It helps to know that others have walked this path before me.
It really had to happen for me at that point because
CW: suicide
I could not tolerate being alive if the truth was that a better world simply isn't possible, and I will be forced to live in this horrible dystopia until I die. In that state, I figured why should I live in this wretched, wicked world of capitalist realism? Why not expedite my death, then? I should just simply die now and spare myself the inevitable endless suffering. It was the realization that: yes, a better world is possible, because it HAS been done before!! (USSR etc) that saved my mental state and gave me a more solid foundation for coping with life.
In marxist terminology, I could no longer tolerate the contradictions of liberalism in my mind.