A damaged, depressed, and unstable piece of shit who makes self-deprecating and suicidal jokes to cope with the reality of existence that are also cries for help because I'm lonely and miserable and hate that I was ever conceived.

Pretty much the same except I actually don't have it in me to follow through with suicide even though I've been extremely close. I really just want close friends I can depend on, for life to get better, and be able to take care of the ones who've taken care of me and stuck around. I'm so tired of being and feeling lonely and unloved. It hurts so god damned much.

I lost two long time friends in the past week (one amicably, one blocked me because I'm too depressing for them presumably. I didn't know they bailed until I split with the first friend). I moved to a new area where I only know my roommate, and I don't leave the house except for work and to walk my roommate's dogs.