My dad has been cheating on my mom for several years with men. Apparently he’s made a point of hiding that fact the he’s bi from us by censoring stories about his past. I found out about 6 months ago and my mom found out shortly after because, aside from a single dude he got a hotel room with a few years ago, literally everyone he’s been interested in has been a scammer trying to get him to send them money. Really blatant stuff like, “Hey it’s me Paul McCartney and I want you to send me a picture of your dick, but also I don’t speak English very well and I need Roblox gift cards”. One was supposedly a German model and businessman who was in the army and couldn’t access his money, so instead they mailed my dad a check book and had him fill it out in his own name for over $50k and try to deposit it in his own account. I’ve always thought my dad was intelligent but some of the shit he’s gone through with is mind boggling.
So long story short is we’re really pissed at him and it’s taken a long time to convince him that it’s because of the cheating and lieing instead of him being “a qu••r”. He’s also had an awful temper and has blamed my siblings for the divorce, literally telling them to their faces he won’t have to deal with them anymore. He’s had anger issues, but this is super out of character for him (or is it? I don’t feel like I know him right now).
He’s trying to run away and ignore his problems (which is pretty much why he’s in this position) and as a result he’s pretty much maximized the amount of hurt he’s put us through. I would have been very happy for him if he’d decided he wanted to divorce my mom and start dating again. More power to him. But goddamn, I feel like I’m chasing a child who’s intent to run into traffic. I don’t want him to get his identity stolen or to be giving out his or our personal information. I want him to figure out how to rebuild his life, but right now his life consists of work, talking to scammers, and making excuses to hang out at my mom’s house.
He’s ashamed and drifting and I’m falling apart. I’ve remained one of his main confidants throughout this, so I’d like to know what to encourage him to do.
Wow, that's really tough. If your communication with him is tough and unproductive, I'd recommend reading the start of Nonviolent Communication. In short, it gives you a framework to focus on the needs of people rather than what they're saying. I found it really helpful and a real mind shift. Good luck! :heart-sickle: