So that's bad, yeah, but just how bad is it? With help from Google and The Numbers' movie comparison feature, I can tell you this: It's really bad.
I present to you...
An Incomplete List of Shitty Videogame Movies That Made More Money Than Borderlands
(in no particular order)
- Warcraft ($439 million)
- Max Payne ($88 million) Doom ($59 million)
- Street Fighter ($99 million)
- Assassin's Creed ($241 million)
- Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time ($336 million)
- Hitman ($99 million)
- Mortal Kombat (but Mortal Kombat is actually good) ($122 million)
- Need for Speed ($194 million)
- Five Nights at Freddy's ($297 million)
- Uncharted ($401 million)
One big-budget, big(ish)-cast Hollywood film Borderlands managed to beat, which I bring up only because I paid good money to see it in theaters and I'm still sore about the whole thing, is Wing Commander, an utterly execrable celluloid waste of time and effort that bumbled to $11.5 million globally. Frankly I'm surprised it did that well.
Hollywood budgets are insane these days.
I watched Godzilla -1. That movie was fucking boss, and apparently its budget was only $15 million. That's less than they spent removing the CGI buttholes from Cats.
I don’t think the movie was that bad. Sure was predictable, but it was fun.
Ok, how tf did I miss this many gaming-related movies?
And, should I be glad I did or not?
Bcs imho Borderlands is a solid rpg movie with a basic story imagined by a nice, productive dm (not the best as far as dms or rpg movies go, but like a reliable standard).
Ok, how tf did I miss this many gaming-related movies?
There's a lot - I have a list that's incomplete but has 86 films on it, Vulture ranked all video game films back in 2016 and there is, obviously, a Wikipedia page for them.
That list is for bad adaptations that made more money than Borderlands, so it leaves out all Us Boll's tax scam movies that are pretty universally awful (I had to bump Alone in the Dark's rating up, so I could rate the sequel lower than it).
And, even with that criteria, it misses out:
- Rampage - $418M
- Angry Birds - $353M
- Angry Birds 2 - $152M
- Monster Hunter - $42M
Here's an idea: Maybe stop making films no one asked for?
Even fans of the franchise didn't really want this. How do you translate a looter shooter into a watchable 2 hour film?
I really enjoy playing Tiny Tina's Wonderlands, 15 minutes at a time on my Steam Deck. I'm not sure I need to see some forced deep cinematic character development extrapolated from it. There's not that much to it.
Calling it now. Next Borderlands game is going to have some referential jokes about this train wreck that are meant to be funny self-deprecation but will actually be transparent attempts as covering up how much Randy Pritchford is malding about this.
I'm honestly surprised we aren't seeing more public meltdown from him. Can only imagine what's happening behind closed doors.
Street Fighter in 1994 is $99m, and adjusted to inflation it would be $210m, while Super Mario Bros 1993 is $38.9m, today would be $84.7m. Rub it on Randy's face, hope it leave a mark.
The Warcraft movie wasn't even bad, they just didn't go hard enough. It was impossible to cram that whole story into one movie. They shoulda done a Hobbit with it.
I haven't watched the Warcraft games (to a degree that I memorize the story) do you think the Warcraft movie will be entertaining for me?
(I have tried to finish WIII several times, but for one reason or another I always end up quitting, not liking the game is not one of them 😅).
Honestly, if you don't know the game stories, it will be a confusing mess. They take very little time on the movie to explain what is happening and why.
This is the kind of thing that ruins careers and maybe even production companies. Of course, Eli Roth will never be given a big budget to direct again and in the cast of the film, more than one will drop significantly in their next works.
Eli Roth will never be given a big budget
Please don't threaten me with a good time.
in the cast of the film, more than one will drop significantly in their next works.
Kevin Hart. There's a feeling already thst we are getting too much Jack Black on our screens but Kevin Hart was a lead and his part just fell flat. JLC is a legend at this point and Cate Blanchett is getting there, they can both coast through a stinker or two with all the accumulated good will. But Hart...
I had no idea that Roth directed this movie. Like who thought that getting a cheesy splatter film director was a great decision? Honestly they got what they deserved with this mess.
who thought that getting a cheesy splatter film director was a great decision?
Honestly on paper that sounds pretty good, Borderlands should really work as a bit of a campy gorefest. Just... not Eli Roth.
Because it's not very good and we all made a pact never to speak of it again. A pact now broken!
Mortal Kombat (but Mortal Kombat is actually good) ($122 million)
KMFDM's soundtrack for that movie still slaps and is definitive for the franchise.
