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  • kristina [she/her]
    ·
    edit-2
    4 years ago

    my transition was weird. in appearance, i seemed to have a weird back and forth. first i started out a twink, then a femboy, then so androgynous that i got hit on by both straight men and women, followed up with passing and not passing intermittently. now it seems im just passing all the time even though I feel like i don't look much different than a year ago when things were stop and go.

    looking back on my pics, i obviously look way different 4ish years into hrt. than i did 1st or 2nd year. but its still hard for me to not look at things like my chin or my lips and be like 'MAN'.

    i mean the obvious reason that i'd envy the boug is i want a vagina and a boug could get one.

    and tbh i wish i could see me the way my boyfriend sees me. he's a very handsome guy, very strong, can throw me across the room very easily. he thinks that i'm way out of his league and has been consistent on that. he thinks i look like a supermodel or something and i just don't see it. i look like a sick person with tremors imo.

      • kristina [she/her]
        ·
        4 years ago

        yeah i seemed to have issues with spiro so that has been causing me some hormonal issues lately. like my body suddenly decided it didnt like it.

        and maybe i can be. like id only know for certain that i had dysmorphia if i got surgeries done i think. if im still angry with my body id accept it was definitely dysmorphia.

        hrt makes me feel so good in comparison to how i was before that i know for certain that i am never stopping it, so theres also a chemical dysphoric component to my situation i think

          • kristina [she/her]
            ·
            4 years ago

            yeah the antiandrogens are kinda gnarly but i worry about messing up my srs if i go for testicle removal before it. i'm just not lucky when it comes to surgeries