12 hours later: I'm out of even nonsense ideas. PC is ewaste, be a year or two before I can afford a cheap one from Walmart or smth. I sometimes amaze myself, followed a straightforward installer so wrong it killed my PC. That's actual talent, really.
Least I still got the phone.
Installed Nobura so wrong it killed my windows install, isn't installed, and I can't install any os to any drive
If I get my computer back up I am learning the lesson I am too incompetent for linux
This is a total replacement of original title and body text
Already tried wiping the drive with gparted usb, tried installing to a backup empty drive with all the rest disconnected. Tried the cmos button.
Prolly just have a wrong boot usb but can't make another. I'll see about buying one in a few months
Please send your laptop to 1000 Colonial Farm Road, Langley, VA 22101 for complimentary laptop repair. We can fix it for you by Thursday.