Like it's only so long until a user there posts a dumbass "Kick Tankies out of Lemmy" meme to try and start shit to get us defedded and hexbears take the bait immediately and pile on to tell them what a dumbass they are.
Like as dumb as the "death to NATO" being compared to "death to the people of NATO" stuff was, blahaj and hexbear are the largest queer instances and I quite like taking part in it and their trans communities, idk it's kinda nice to interact with people who don't have the same kind of hexbear brainrot where I see the words "pumpkin spice", "Maoist cult", "Soyfacing PMC radlib" or "rock stacking" and immediately start to go :sus: mentally, it feels refreshing to be able to talk to an incredibly queer positive community that doesn't have the same kind of internet poisoning as all of us. And it seems kind of assholy that some of the users here just don't give a shit and want to post and dunk until we get defedded by every instance, this isn't like lemmy.ca where they were all dicks that none of us liked anyway and were complaining about us doing hate speech against fucking landlords or lemm.ee where almost every time time a user from there pops their head into our threads here they say something racist or transphobic. iirc blahaj.zone was actually the second most requested instance to federate with in the pre federation discussions due to how good of a queer space it was.
Like their first defed thread was a complete embarrassment because there were a load of users there that actually had positive opinions towards us and then they saw the shitshow happening once from the post reaching active and changed to be way against us which tbh, fair enough.
Edit:
statements from the head mod Ada:
They defed Lemmygrad instantly. Hell I posted a meme "weed this weed that how about you weed Lenin" and got banned for "supporting Mao" or something, check the modlog lmao.
Aparently that's what constitutes brigading for them, posting commie memes. Whatever you guys are doing is much more than what we did lmao
And they're that hostile not to our conduct, but to critical, limited support for countries they don't like based largely on either pure vibes or a highly propagandized version of history. To me it seems very likely that we'll be defederated sooner or later due to their ideological
brainworms 
regardless of what we do. Shitposting and dunking will certainly hasten that, but eventually one of the admins is going to see one too many "for fucks sake no one got tank jellied in June 4th" posts and decide that we're red fash 1982 septic tank commies and defed us because... they're anti-Communist, anti-Left, liberals.
Edit; Reading Ada's statement has changed my view on this. I don't know how to practically accomplish it, but please read Ada's comment that has been added to the top post. I think maintaining detente with another large trans space is important if we can find a way to do it.
Any excuse will do. While there's been some aggro behavior, I got accused of attacking/insulting someone just for being against corporate pride
Libs really hate being told that the horizon of what they could be doing is wider than what they are doing, and take it as an insult.
They also don't seem to realize the irony in getting offended by that but also telling someone that all their work is for naught and better things aren't possible
Tbf the 196 mod is different to the head admin