Think I've got Havana syndrome.
No but seriously - the state of the world right now - feels like every contradiction inherent to capitalism has erupted in the past few days.
Climate. Imperialism. 'Democracy'. Media bullshit.
Maybe my life's personal stress is compounding it at the moment too, but fuck me. I am so mad at the moment.
I find myself typing like a milennial cringelord, my replies filled with 'fuck shit assfucker fucking come at me shitfucker' type posts. I find myself not bothered to put effort into responses when a rage filled uppunctuated mess feels so right.
I often tell people not the mald. It's easy to get stirred up about online crap. I recognised this habit, this feeling of enjoying being mad, but in an unproductive way, and I stopped doing it. I never do it with singular issues anymore. I don't get into internet debates. I let it ride.
But these last few days? Its making me insane. It's one thing to recognise it going down. It's another thing for society to make me feel like IM the one that's overreacting.
And to think, I voted for Kier fucking Starmer.
And next election, I'll be forced to do the same so that Tories don't get in. And I know, electoralism is a sham, but I don't think people comprehend just how bad Tories have been for Britain in the last 20 years. Especially for my sector. I do find Labour - even Starmer's Labour - a lot better in quite a few ways. But on key issues? I fucking hate them. I hate them with all my bile. Maybe I need to just move to Corbyn's borough so I can make sure he stomps some ghoul again.
Anyway. I'm fine.
But as I sit here anticipating the new wave of absolute garbage propaganda I'm going to be fed over the coming weeks, a vignette from a Chinese movie called A Touch Of Sin comes to mind, based on real events.
Dahai's corrupt boss screws him.
Over and over. [SPOILERS] So he shoots him.
He also shoots some guy who is abusing a horse. And some other relatively innocent bystanders.
Anyway. I don't mean this as a call to adventurism. I would never kill my local politician or anything, not only because my life so far means I would find it very difficult to take another human life, but also because it is totally counter productive. But as a concept? As a piece of art on screen? The ultimate expression of a 'dog-eat-dog' world turned towards those who like it that way, is certainly satisfying to watch. As are many tales of vigilante justice.
Anyway, here's another still:
I think the stills could be great emotes if it wasn't so on the nose to interpret uncharitably. Undoubtedly goes hard.
I'm a white hot ball of seething rage with no outlet crammed deep into the body of a boring American research analyst. Every where I look I see the way things are structured to prevent real change, to stop people from doing anything meaningful with their lives and I'm supposed to be grateful for it? I'm supposed to be happy that we're speeding headlong for a cliff at 75 miles an hour instead of 80? (Except it is actually 80 and we have collectively agreed to pretend it's 75 and that's Doing Something).
Whatever happens in this dog-and-pony show of an election people are going to suffer and lives are going to be snuffed out but people - some of whom I used to respect and trust - are out there celebrating the possibility of being
I'm a pile of joyless negativity and I hate it.
I am also enraged. seeing the planet die while all the assholes with their stupid fucking Harris Walz cat yard signs around me keep their head down and turn the crank on the murder machine while pretending they aren't complicit