Objectively better at doing what?

Removing dirt

What goal are you trying to achieve?

Clean balls

Does it reduce rates of skin infection? Improve skin health? Make you live longer? Make you happier?

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, and also you can wear it as a hat.

It really sounds like conformity to an arbitrary cultural perception of "cleanness" that isn't related to any actual health or sanitary issues.

I bet you dont use a bidet either.

but rather, dare I say, artificially created by loofah companies to sell more loofahs

I grew mine guerilla gardening in the sump pond a condemned ampartment complex. The complex is condemned because i released native bedbugs and sprayed community-sourced MRSA on the doorhandles in an act of anti-landlord praxis. The loofa gourds are not native however, and have started choking out the grasses of the local dogpark. This is a double blow against DSA PMC gentrification and i am a better leftist than you. I will send you loofa seeds by COD mail. You will grow them. You do not have a choice in this.

which, as biological planet material, are subject to decay and harboring bacteria!

I bet you're not composting your drain-hair either.