So, I have friends that, in this capitalist world, they are forced to often be very busy and have little time to socialize with me. Although sometimes, I wonder if it's because they secretly hate me. But yet, at the same time, when they do message back, they always apologize to me for not messaging back, and they never have anything bad to say about me.
Often, I fear that, every time someone says they don't hate me, they are actually lying. I for one, can't see why they are so fond of me, and I can't think of any positive things to say about myself. I am boring. I am going into accounting, and I have Autism. My special interest is in Fairy Tale Retellings and making them better than that of Disney.
My friends never seem to have a bad thing to say about me, and yet, they are so busy that, if they do have a lover, or other friends, I am often seeming to be on the backburner, or at least that's what it feels like.
So thus, I am forced to go often weeks without talking to another human being, where I am too shy to make any kind of conversation with anyone. I often spend my days talking to myself, having theoretical conversations with myself and my several imaginary friends. To pretend that someone would be fond of me, unless my online friends actually are fond of myself.
Either way, the gist of is... is that I seem to be suffering from the void of capitalism, it's uncaring, heartless nature, and that it seems to be consuming the free time of my online friends.
So what do you think? Could they secretly hate me, or is my mind starting to finally crack from being lonely, friendless and loveless my entire life (I am 24 and had no friends until last year)?
they probably don't hate you (at least not in a way that one could tell from this limited info), people just kind of become more interested in their jobs and personal lives/relationships more than friend groups as they get older. i have a roommate that i would hang out with all the time but they recently got a new romantic partner and now all they do is talk on the phone with them. i don't really have other friends or family nearby to compensate for the new void in my social life so im not taking it particularly well. and thats on top of the ever present background sexual frustration and romantic loneliness that comes with being incapable of socializing normally or forming relationships, which itself is on top of global climate catastrophe, imperialism and genocide that define global politics. i distract myself with weed and mecha models and video games to cope and its worked out so far, i manage to maintain an iron-fisted, white knuckle grip on my sanity to reduce any additional hardship on those around me that might be caused by my mental problems.