"Folks, I'm telling ya'- Marika, or as I like to call her, "Sleepy Marika", she messed the Elden Ring up real good. No, it's true, she really messed it up. The Lands Between are disgusting now, broken into little pieces, borders left unguarded. Disrespectful. Miquella has a solution, a yuge solution. Making Altus Great Again, I call it... Look he's here now on stage, look how eternally youthful and honest he looks folks! 1000 years of love, people, we're getting rid of the ANTIFA Golden Order losers!"
Trump's always equipped with a full estus flask
Trump has miquela's broken rune so he can resist charms
He always makes the run to the moss seller in Undead Burg sewers first thing outta the asylum.