Sorry this is more a rant than anything else.

I spent my teens to thirties feeling so damn lonely, depressed, and horny. Now that I'm in forties, I just feel exhausted all the time. Ya it's work related. Usually I get to school around 6am, and I might finish around 6pm. My job is meaningful, but I feels like I'm sprinting everywhere. When there's no one around, I often loudly groan in frustration, it's really awkward when kids or other teachers see it.

I'd like to read more, see friends more, and do more activism, but often I need to just calm myself down so I can actually get some meaningful rest. Usually I need to consume pointless media in order to feel rested and often need to watch something to sleep. I'm tempted to start smoking weed in order to get myself to that point of relaxation sooner. I probably should exercise more: I stopped when everyone stopped masking in the gym. I have the ability to exercise at home, I just need to motivation.

Every time I get a holiday, the same thing happens: it takes a few days to recover from work, but after 4 or so days I start to feel normal. I can start to do the things I wish I was doing more. I enjoy books again and have more meaningful time with my partner.