I haven't felt anything besides low burning self contempt for years. Emotions like sadness and happiness elude me. I haven't sincerely shouted for joy or wept in years. I also have no desire to get close to other people and form relationships. This makes it nigh impossible for me to give a shit about even important things. While I don't feel much pain anymore, I also lack the spark that makes life worth living. I feel like a soulless automaton.

Does this sound like it's related to neurodivergence? I'm 100% depressed, but years of therapy and various different medications haven't done much, so I feel like there must be more to it.

  • REgon [they/them]
    ·
    2 days ago

    Have you considered wether you might be clinically depressed? What you're describing could kinda sound like it. It's not a big deal if you are. I got the diagnosis and some anti-depressants and it made my life so much better.

    • heggs_bayer [none/use name]
      ·
      2 days ago

      I have treatment resistant depression that various different antidepressants and antipsychotics over the years hasn't helped with.

      • MouthyHooker [she/her]
        ·
        2 days ago

        Might be worth investigating an ADHD and/or autism diagnosis as well just to rule those out. I had terrible depression from age 16-29. I got diagnosed with ADHD at 29 and got on stimulant medications and it greatly improved my depression symptoms. I think it was a combo of increased dopamine from the meds and finally understanding how my brain works and why certain things are hard for me.

        I am still on SSRIs and probably always will be, but the dark thoughts are so much less frequent and intense these days.

      • REgon [they/them]
        ·
        2 days ago

        I am very sorry to hear that comrade cuddle I wish I could help you in some way